I got spammed

The other day I was having a look at this blog, and I noticed that one of the posts had a comment on it. Previous comments had been made by my sister, but after a few of those I decided I didn't want people I knew reading the stuff I put up here. And so I changed the url, and didn't let anyone know (an earlier post discusses this further).

So I was initialy pleasantly surprised by the comment. It suggested that someone had read what I'd written, and thought it worthwhile to respond. And then I read the comment, which had nothing to do with what I'd written but plenty to do with the wonderful features of some obscure make of car. It was spam.

I've deleted the said comment, as it doesn't contribute anything, and keeping it would just encourage that sort of pissantness to continue.

Spams an annoying thing that has developed on the internet. First on BBSs, then email, and later websites, forums and blogs. Soon there will probably be podcast spam. And the vast volume of it continues simply because people make money from it. Sending emails is cheap, and if only one in ten thousand end up buying something, the spammer is still getting back a lot more than they pay in sending the spam.

Given human nature and the lucrative nature of spamming, technical measures to prevent spam will never completely succeed. Now admitedly mail filters now seem to work pretty well, and my gmail inbox hasn't had a spam in quite some time, but the spam folder is pretty full. The way to stop spam is to take away their money, which is what their in it for. All spam is selling stuff, and they accept payment by credit card.

So who are the people able to shut down spam once and for all. Visa, Mastercard, Diners Club, American Express. The credit card companies. Stop letting spammers get payments by credit card, and they will shrivel up and die. If they can't make money, they'll find something else to do with their time. I've seen one propsal where credit card companies set up a few spam detecting card numbers, and let people use those to make purchases from spam they recieve. Then when the spammers try and claim the money for the sale, they know exactly who's spamming the masses and can tell them to get lost. Unfortunately, I suspect that credit card companies enjoy their share of credit card purchases from spam too much to take such drastic measures.

End post
Writing time: 17 minutes

The title goes here

A few weeks ago I had dinner with my uncle and grandmother. And while I was there we were watching the news and there was a bit about how Italy was bringing in laws making it illegal to cover your face in public. I was a bit outraged and was all sort of, 'that's very uncool, we shouldn't be restricting peoples rights for non-existent gains in security'. And then my grandmother said that people shouldn't cover their faces in this climate of terror, and generally coming down on the side of paranoia.

This is the first time I've ever really taken a greatly different political position with another family member. Admittedly I haven't really spoken all that much politics with the generations before me, but they've always given the impression of moderation and reasonableness. Now I'm left to wonder what else do we disagree on.

My politics aren't very rigorously defined, but ultimately they come down to the side of personal liberty and social responsibility. Let people be free to do as they will, but ensure they don't get screwed over by others. I think corporations have too much power, or more accurately are too unconstrained, and that essential services such as health and education are at the moment not sufficiently funded. I also have a strong dislike of extremism. By that I mean taking things too far. Everything becomes dangerous if taken to an extreme. There's a book I've read called Jennifer Government, where corpratism is taken to an extreme, and society as whole has become much more dysfunctional. Perhaps the problem with extreme solutions is that they only work when things are very black and white, whereas the world is a large spectrum of grays.

When it comes to politicians, I think the first principle to apply is one that doctors live by, first, do no harm. The world today is a complicated place, and lots of stuff happens all the time, some good, some bad. Not adding more to the bad pile is a good place to start. That's why I think the state premier isn't too bad, because he hasn't gone around doing stuff making things worse for people. The prime minister however, has brought in a whole load of bad things. The messed up treatment of refugees, the complete and utter willingness to go along with anything America proposes (I'm not saying everything America proposes is good or bad (but recent stuff hasn't really been to our advantage), it's the going along without any real consideration or consultation that isn't good), the changes to higher education, the war on terror bullshit, and other messed up stuff.

End post

A lot of talking

I recently had a very long talk with a friend about past romances, hers and mine. Overall neither of us have had much success. It was an interesting experience talking about such things, as I don't really open up all that much. It confirmed some conclusions I'd already come to, namely that next time some sort of romantic interest develops a middle path should be followed. The first time I messed something up, it was by going to far to one extreme, and the next time I went too far the other way. Next time I will attempt a more balanced approach.

Another thing that came up was that my friend thinks I'm paranoid. A combination of bitterness and cynicism which I'll happily admit to may work together to produce some mild paranoia, but I'd never thought of myself as such. But then a few days later I did an online quiz about what do you think the right thing to do in various circumstances and I got a fair few wrong because I chose answers that were too uncompromising, so perhaps there is some claim to the statement.

Work is ok at the moment, but I got a bit depressed the other day when it turned out I got the best results for call quality in my team. It wouldn't have been quite so bad except for that month a bit of a competition was going with the winner getting some dodgy cap celebrating the introduction of call recording, so an email went around boldly proclaiming the fact. Now don't get me wrong, I don't intend to do a half assed job, but I really wasn't planning on becoming exceptionally good at the job. The other worrying aspect of things is that all the things I got bonus marks for was me going through short cuts to save some hassles with the person on the other end of the phone. At least it should mean they'll be a bit lenient about the fact I didn't meet the required average call length for the month, although I think that because I got put on the newbie kpis, this month I might actually be a bit under the official number, but I've been trying to meet the standard one, which is 20 seconds less than the one I think I'm on, but I ended up being about 10 seconds over.

Today is also the end of an era. This evening I will be upgrading my computer, which will effectively be a replacement of my current one. Although it will still be in the same case, the only component that came with it from the store when I bought it is a cd burner. Today I'm changing the motherboard, ram, cpu, graphics card, one hard drive and a dvd burner for a cd burner. The new cd burner is going because its stopped opening and closing properly, and seems intent on ruining cds that are put inside it, so it's going. The original hard drive died a few years back, and the current sound card and network card are being replaced by onboard versions.

This will be the fourth computer I've had. The first was an apple IIc that Mum bought a year or two before I began school, on which I learnt to program. Many years later that was replaced with a brand spanking new pentium 100, which was good for it's time. I'm still actually using the harddrive from the pentium 100, just as a temp directory because it's a whopping 1.6GB in size. That came with me down to uni, but was replaced in the middle of second year for my current computer, which is a pentium III 800. And tonight I will gut that machine, and like a phoenix it will be reborn, bigger and better than before (all going well of course).

End Post
Write time: 40 minutes

Pride in achievements

To the left is one of my more recent painting efforts, although it is about two months old at the moment. Last week I entered the model in a painting competition at the local games store. I doubt it will win, but the whole showing off aspect of putting in an entry to such a competition appeals to me. I've previously got a best painted at a competition, which was a bit of a surprise, but given that there were only six people in the tournament, and three of them had not fully painted their army, so it wasn't that much of an achievement, but I was pretty stoked by that.

My approach to painting has also changed over time. It started out as a very methodical, production line type activity, which is ok when your just starting as you have a large number of very similar models to paint. But now I tend to get more satisfaction out of doing the more unique members of the army and taking a lot of time and care with them. I also use a lot more colors now. My first few models were done with only about 8 or so colors. Now I have about 30 or so different colors, and doing mixing and stuff as well, so get a lot finer detail.

I had to call up one of my banks today, and the hold music there is so much better than the stuff at the place I work. It was some nice jazz type music, without any interruptions. At the place I work the hold music is a trashy bit of pop music that repeats and is constanly interrupted by someone saying either that someone will answer soon or trying to sell other ways to get into debt with us. It really starts to grate if you have to listen to it for too long.

I think I'm coming up with a list of things that if I ever start a business I'm going to make sure aren't done. These are just the petty things which just work to make it less pleasant for people to deal with. I'd make sure that different groups that had to interact all had an idea of what the other groups did, and who was responsible for what. I wouldn't skimp and provide single ply toilet paper. But no matter what, stupid people will still cause problems, so I don't know what I'd do to help with that. Hold music is one of the things that for very little effort can be so much less annoying.

Anyway, that's it for now.

End post
Writing time: 3 hours (including tv watching and dinner eating)

The Invitation

I got an invitation the other day to an engagement party. The invitation was from Kylie, someone I once thought I cared a lot about. However things were not seen the same way by both parties, and so I got to experience heartbreak for the first time. Since then I've tried to move on. A few months after things didn't work out I went to a party which she attended with her boyfriend. I did not handle it well, and ended up not talking for about a week. I scared my grandmother into thinking I might be on drugs or something. A month or so after that while catching a train, I came to the realization I could keep being unhappy about it, or just say fuck it, and get on with my life. I've generally tried to do so since then, but every now and then, something happens that makes me feel morose again. Like being invited to the housewarming party when she moved in with the other guy. And now being invited to the engagement party.

At least this time I responded to the invitation. When I got the invitation to the hosewarming party I just said fuck to myself and ignored it.

The fallout from my first attempt at romance is still sort of hanging around. While we used to be good friends I haven't spoken to her more than once or twice in the past two years. I've avoided romance for most of the time since then, thoroughly rebuking those who have made advances toward me. And though I've sorted of started to change my position on the matter, to the point that if someone were to make some sort of advance, I wouldn't reject it outright but go with it. But I'm still not actively looking.

I don't think I'm going to go to the engagement party. While I'd like to be able to say I wish them all the best, a long and happy life and all that and actually mean it, I can't. Or at least not in a specifc them sense. In an abstract, they're people and so as people deserve the best they can get out of life, sure. But not in the specifc them sense.

And so I sit here, typing but not entirely happy with the way things are.

End Post
writing time: 44 minutes

Busy working

Been working a lot. While it's nice to have money, and I've managed to save more than I've done in the past who knows how long (a whole $240, so don't get to excited), it does get frustrating. I mean pretty much all my shifts are 8 or 10 hours long, which basically means that's all I do in the day. Besides getting up, eating breakfast, having dinner, maybe watching a little TV and then sleeping, and all the other stuff that needs to be done each day. I sort of tried when going back into it that I was simply doing it to get money to do the stuff I actually wanted to do, but I find I haven't got that much time to do stuff.

A few days ago I got the urge and cleaned my bathroom. Ultimately it simply entailed dusting off everything and giving the toilet a bit of a scrub with the toilet brush. It pretty much just convinced me that such actions are only necessary only once every few months. About a half hour of not much effort and the place looks almost good as new. All it needs now is a vacuum to get rid of all the hair on the floor.

I'm currently acquiring the first season of the new Battlestar Galactica. I've heard good things about it, and so hopefully it's worth the wait.

End post:
Writing time: 15 minutes

No Jobseeking, Buffy and Third World Debt

I haven't been looking for jobs. Back when I started back at GE, I said I'd apply for three good jobs a week, where good was defined as being something I wouldn't mind still doing in a few years. Partly this is because I'm lazy, partly because I'm too tired after work, and partly that I don't really feel a need to do so. I am saving some money, which is good.

Today I bought a box set of Buffy DVD, season 6 part 1. I'm currently watching the first episode. Season 6 is one of the darkest seasons, being more focused on the darkness within the regular characters, rather than the machinations of some big bad scary thing.

In good news, it has recently been announced that the G8 nations are going to write off a shit load of debt from third world countries, with a bit more to go from some more countries once they sort out corruption from within their governments. This is a really good thing, as Burdening third world countries with inordinate amounts of debt was never a good way to solve things. I'll be happier when I find out that there are no nasty strings attached, but this sounds like a positive move forward. The only bad thing was that as part of the news report Bono from U2 was interviewed. Just why the fuck a singer is the person to talk to when the topic is third world debt and politics I don't know.

I've got a headache now so I'm going to stop typing.


Edit: I originally put that the person interviewed was Sonny Bono, when in fact it was just Bono. As someone has commented, Sonny Bono was congressman and so perhaps might have had something to contribute on a more governmental position, but he actually died in 1998. I actually checked up and found out that Sonny Bono and Bono from U2 are not the same person. This does clear up the mystery of the naming of the Sonny Bono copyright extension act, as naming it after the person who introduced it to congress is pretty much par for the course, whereas naming it after some unrelated foreign singer is pretty odd.

A few notes on the Extended Kingdom

So, as I've completely failed to get more than two paragraphs into part two of the Thousandth Son, I've instead compiled a few sort of background notes describing how things are in the society, what the legal systems are, tech levels etc. Here it is

A few notes on the Extended Kingdom
The Extended Kingdom is a constitutional monarchy ruling over a small group of close by star systems. The ruling family has reigned for a thousand consecutive generations, with no major disruptions in the succession. Interstellar travel is practical but not convenient, travel between systems in the kingdom is comparable to traveling between parts of the British empire in the late eighteenth-early 19th century, a major undertaking not to be done lightly, and usually a long term move. Top speed is maybe ten to twenty times the speed of light.


The government is a constitutional monarchy, again, a lot like England. A major difference is that the monarch has a lot more ability to influence policy, and openly does so. This is done so with consultation with the people, and in the spirit of doing what is best for the kingdom as a whole. In general this is a setting of general policy, with actual implementation being the responsibility of the elected representatives.

The representative part of the government is bi-cameral. One house is directly elected representatives, much like the house of representing in the Australian parliament. The upper house is two-thirds the size of the lower house, and is elected by the whole population in a proportional representation system. There are three or four major parties, and a number of smaller ones. It is rare for any two parties combined to be able to control both houses, and usually a convoluted minority government is in power.

Society is generally pretty ok. Suffrage is universal, discrimination pretty much non-existent.

The history of the Kingdom is a long and convoluted one. Starting from little more than the city state conquered by Brilthang, it grew first through military conquest, then through economic and political maneuvering. By the time the Kingdom started exploring space, it was a centralized world government. As first their system, and then other systems were colonized, the new colonies were integrated into the Kingdom as semi-autonomic entities. Local matters are dealt with locally, but within the overall legislative whole. Regional governments are responsible for the provision of services. The parliament for the whole kingdom establishes a general legislative framework, while regional governments enforce and administer the law.

There is some contact with other species, although this is infrequent and very limited. Most other contacted civilizations are socially similar, but all have directly elected heads of state, making the Kingdom somewhat of an anomaly in the local region.

Genetic technology is still limited in what can be achieved, but what there is is common place. Most major hereditary problems have been removed from the population by means of prenatal screening. There have been a few attempts to do more, but these have generally not been successful and are looked down upon by most of the population.

Anyway, that's what I've got for now. I'm still going to work on part 2, but it may take longer than I thought.

The quintessesntials

I'm currently listening to the first episode of the quintessential phase of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It's ok. They've taken a few liberties, but capture the feel well. Good on the BBC.

I enjoyed the comedy stylings of Wil Anderson and Tripod last night. Pretty good night out.

Work has been mentally exhausting. I've been working some long shifts recently. At the moment I have a bit of trouble being sympathetic but intransigent. For you see I have to tell people that no they can't have credit, no you can't make a purchase, etc. Quite frankly, the company is letting people spend money that isn't theirs, I think we can be a bit arbitrary about who we give money too.

jingleberry tybetrons trindlethrop the gramtings,
while frilty vorms bling and ming
grance and pring and trine
pregrempting porthise do trun
into the breding crine

It would appear I'm not going to create the next Jabberwocky. It's a lot trickier than you'd think. Perhaps next time I try some verse I'll stick to real words. Work on the Thousandth Son has progressed, but I aven't done what I want to. I had been planning to do part two, which was to be an exposition on why a republic is noble and worthwhile, but instead have merely put together a bunch of background work, creating a rough history, current society, what technology level they've reached etc. I haven't gone to the extent of creating a language, but who knows. I'll try and polish it up tomorrow and post it.

I can't really think of much to say. The past week has mostly been work, sleep and a small amount of leisure time. I hope that if they keep me on for next month the give me at least one day in a weekend off during the month. While it's nice to have a day off during the middle of the week, some things can only be done on a weekend. I'm going to have to miss the next warhammer meeting of the university games society. OK so I don't have awild and varied existance, It would be nice to be able to do the things I enjoy every once in a while.

There's a huge pile of washing up in the kitchen. I really don't know how it grows so quickly. It's exacerbated by us having gotten out of a regular cooking routine due to the pressures of end of semeter assessment, but when I'v e contributed a bowl and maybe two plates, I don't know how the others can generate so much more dirty dishes. True, the bowl is a metal bowl that I reuse after a good hot rinse, but even then, I washed up on Tuesday, I'm sure of it. Maybe Brett will do it tomorrow. It is still his turn to cook, and hence wash up before cooking.

Anyway I'm not writing anything too meaningful, so I think I'll try sleeping instead.

End post
Writing time: 45 minutes

Happenings around the world

The French voted against ratifying the constitution for a more united Europe (wikipedia article). I can't say I agree with them, but it is their own country, so I don't think my opinion really counts for all that much. I have to say that I do think the whole united Europe is something I think should be worked towards. I think the desire to join has hastened improvements in some of the former Warsaw pact nations. I think greater interaction and freer exchanges will help prevent conflict. I think the important lesson to take from the French result is that a lot of the European integration has been happening because the governments want it to, and the people do not necessarily agree with everything that's happening. I'd like to think that most Europeans think that the EU is a good thing, but I can also understand that some may feel that it's being imposed not something that they're asking for. Depending on how other referendums go, I think perhaps the best course of action is to perhaps let things stay the way they are for a bit, before making further changes.

Schapelle Corby was found guilty of importing drugs to Bali. The Australian media has been all over this, not only with a kind of presumption of innocence, but almost taking it to the point of being an axiom. I don't think it's a big enough deal to warrant live coverage of the verdict, or some of the outcry that has arisen among some of the press that the government ask the Indonesian government for a pardon. I think the best way to encourage other countries to establish a proper justice system is to respect those countries who do have a system in place and in let it run it's course. If the trail had of been a farce, or in any way unfair or impartial, sure complain, do something, but if she got a fair trial, as seems to be the case, then respect the result. If an Indonesian got caught smuggling drugs into Australia was tried and found guilty, I think a lot of Australians would be upset if we let them go just because the Indonesian government asked us to, and rightly so. The best was to establish respect for the rule of law is to respect the rule of law when others apply it.

Today is World No Tobacco Day. I'm a bit ambivalent about this one. Sure smoking's bad for you, everyone knows that. But if someone wants to kill themselves slowly, so long as I don't have to smell the stuff, I can't exactly stop them. As Lord Vetinari would say, freedom includes the freedom to accept the consequences. I don't think anyone in western countries can reasonably claim not to be aware of the consequences, so who am I to force them to change their minds.

The other day I had a bit of a browse around the channel nine website. It's quizzes were pathetic, the content insipid, the link that said 'send your friend a cosmo babe' went to a picture of a guy. And if you wanted to watch any of the videos they had, you had to have internet explorer. I suppose I should expect too much when they're aligned so much with Microsoft that the URL is ninemsn.com.au. Bunch of punk bitches the lot of them.

Lots of talking recently

We'll start with a bit of followup from a previous post. There was a bit where I said I'd be applying for three jobs a day. Well I haven't. Although I had kind of meant that this was only until someone actually decided to employ me. Anyway, I'm now going to revise that. From now on I will apply for three jobs a week, and these will be jobs that I actually want to do and think I would enjoy doing, not just things that I can do and will pay the bills.

So I'm back at GE again, working in the inbound call center. Today was busy to the extreme. We recieved approximately 5000 calls today. I personally took a little over 125 calls in 10 hours, which amounts to 2.5% of all the calls. That's a fuck load of talking. I can say with very little fear of being contradicted, I have never done as much talking in one day. By the end of the day I was having a hard time talking. On the plus side, it does mean I don't have to put up with much bullshit from centerlink and it's associates anymore, just hand in a form every two weeks saying I don't need any money. I'm already 3 days late with the last one, but since they're not going ot give me any money, I don't see why they would have a problem with it being late.

A friend came over last night, feeling upset about some of the stuff that's happening with his PhD. For the past few months, he's been doing stuff that duplicates some research that's already been done, and he's been telling his supervisor that he's really concerned that this isn't the most useful of things to be doing, and the supervisor hasn't been paying any attention to his concerns. We had a few drinks. Well I had a few drinks. He had a lot of drinks. One of the things we talked about was the stuff about my housemate.

Talking about seemed to help. Now it's not entirely bottled up. I've been thinking about talking about my thoughts on the matter (I'm a bit wary of using the term feelings, mainly because I'm not used to the idea of me having them) with her, but I don't know how to bring up the topic, or even how to discuss it once it's brought up. A semi-prepared monologue only really works in plays and films, and while observation from film and tv may provide some insight, I know enough to know things don't really work that way. A dialogue also doesn't look like it would work well as the topic doesn't really lend itself to much contribution from the other side. And I'm in no way fucked up enough to consider a written statement, although I have been occasionally leaving my browser open to this blog while I'm absent and my computer is left on, so perhaps I'm trying to do so in a roundabout way.

Still no progress on The Thousandth Son. I'm going to email part one to myself at work, and have a burl at it while I'm at work. At the moment I'm only actually doing work about two thirds of the time I'm there, the other third simply being spent being ready to work when a call comes in. I'll aim to have part two up by the 3rd.

In all of this I've failed to mention a greater than normal family interaction in the past week. My mother came down to Brisbane on Sunday, my sister got back in town a few days before that, and Mum's boyfriend was down for Tuesday and Wednesday. Last Sunday, Mum, Sarah and my uncle came around for dinner and I cooked a roast chicken. All went well. On Monday I saw a movie with my sister (H2G2 for those who know what I mean).. On Tuesday we all went for dinner at the Story Bridge Hotel, which seems to be a favorite haunt of my sisters, but it's just another pub to me. On Friday I had lunch with my sister. Next Friday my sister will be going to the Tripod show I'm going to with a few other people (My female housemate, her boyfriend, the friend who came over drinking last night, his girlfriend, and that's about it). Should be an intersesting night.

I saw on slashdot the other day an article about two english people who decided to stage a light saber duel by filling some flourescent tubes with petrol mixed with soapand setting the inside alight. Given that this mixture behaves much like napalm, doing this and then waving the fragile glass tubes around and hitting each other with them seems to be a spectacularly stupid thing to do, on the Darwin arward level.

Well I have to say I'm quite impressed with what I've written so far, so I think I'll leave it here, add a few links and call it a post.

End Post

Small snippets make up a whole

My knee hurts. It's been doing this for a while now. I'm starting to think I should see a doctor about it. Although last time I had some sort of long term medical type problem that after a while I saw a doctor about turned out to be nowhere near as dangerous as I was worried. Heart pains in someone only 24 is scary, once you actually acknowledge that there is a problem.

I tried to write some more of The Thousandth Son earlier today offline, but didn't get far. The second part is going to focus on the anti-monarchy argument. I got as far as the first line, but got no further. I'll have another go tomorrow.

Still looking for work. During the next week, I'm going to up the number of jobs I apply for. A minimum of three a day (each and every day, no averaging bullshit) is what I'm going to try and do, with one of those being something I'd like to do as opposed to something I can do. I will report back on my progress, although I think a few late night application rushes may occur.

Last night some friends came over for a lan session. We played some Diablo 2 and Quake 3. It was reasonably enjoyable. Quake 3 was a lot more fun than I was expecting.

I'm not sure these shallow posts with just a few sentences on a lot of things is good or not-so-good. At least I'm writing stuff, but as a means of expressing true feelings, I think the longer posts contain more. Although it seems I don't go into much detail with them either.

Significant Random Fact: It took me almost a week to work up the courage to ask Kylie out. It was the first time I'd asked any girl out. Her answer was "I'll think about it".
Another fact: the previous fact is the first time on this blog I've included Kylie's name, and not just made oblique references to her existence.
Yet another fact: I gave Danielle the same answer a few years later when she first asked me out. My later response was not as positive though (waiting until after the last session of the particular movie was in hindsight not the best way of doing things).

It does seem that the continued writing of things is making further writing easier. Hopefully the next post will be even more interesting.

End Post
Writing time: 26 minutes

A whole lotta stuff just came out

Apparently the following two things are obligatory in a blog so let's see if it motivates anything

Current mood: Mopey
Current music: Journey of the Sorcerer, Toxic, So Long and Thanks for all the Fish

Once there was a girl. She was a good friend and I thought I wanted to have a more significant relationship with her. Over the course of several months I tried in a haphazard way to court her. This did not work out. With the advantage of extra knowledge gained in the few years since, and a bit of hindsight, part of this is probably because at around that time she got together with someone else, to whom she is now engaged and has moved in with. My inability to express myself probably didn't help either. But for quite some time after she told me it wasn't going to happen, I hurt quite a lot. A few months later I went to a party at which she and her boyfriend also went to. This affected me more than I expected. I ended up not eating for about 3 days, and scared some of my family into thinking I was on drugs or something.

That was about 4 years ago. It's only in the past year or so I've been open again to the prospect of some sort of romance. This was brought about by the realisation that not only was the bitterness I was still bearing making me unhappy and leading me to avoid other relationships that may have been worthwhile, it was also causing me to hurt others who tried to get involved. I still owe one person an apology for the unjustifiably rude way I treated her.

Well, it's amazing what one can do when trying to avoid the unpleasant current. I've been putting off writing about the above stuff for about as long as I've had a blog. I haven't gone into as much detail as I originally intended, but something has been written, so perhaps I can further elaborate later on.

So what exactly is it that makes dealing with past pains easier than trying to deal with it.

One of my housemates is a girl. By virtue of this fact, she probably has the highest time spent together to time known ratio of any woman not a member of my family. A while ago I decided that if something of a romantic nature developed, that would be ok. But it wasn't going to be something actively pursued, but more not provided a hostile environment to. And since then as I've got to know her better, I've learnt that it's not going to happen, and have accepted that.

The night before last (May 9, it's taken a long time to write this all up) a short conversation occurred in which the conclusion I'd already come to were stated explicitly, and it affected me more than I thought. And so I've spent the past 24 hours or so all moody. Plus it caused a really upset stomach, which with me tends only to happen with affairs of the heart. It's odd, it would seem that the physical indicator, my gut reaction if you will, that I like someone is nausea.

Anyway, that seems to be all. More details will perhaps come later, but at least it's got me writing about stuff I've been putting off writing.

End Post
Writing time 18 hours 52 minutes (please note that this time includes sleeping, watching tv, playing games, talking to others and various other uses of time and is not almost 19 hours of straight typing.)

The Thousandth Son: Part the First

As per a previous post, here is some fiction. We'll see if I eventually get some sort of conclusion. And be warned, I suck at making up names.

The Thousandth Son

Zero

Brilthang the Gruesome and his band of warriors stormed into the throne room of Frimbar, the evil tyrant of the land. Despite the chaos of the uprising outside, Frimbar's bodyguards stood ready, but were unable to stop the warriors. Brilthang himself charged straight at Frimbar, and though the two dueled for some time, Brilthang was ultimately victorious. As his comrades finished off the surviving bodyguards he sat down on the throne of Frimbar. As the warriors knelt in front of him, he proclaimed: "From this throne shall I and my sons for a thousand generations rule this realm."

One Thousand and One

Crown prince Sintius stood on the balcony of his suite in Brilthang Castle wearing the traditional purple robes of mourning. A week had passed since the death of his father, King Amlas the 53rd, and now the prime minister of the Extended Kingdoms of Antarius and the Outlying Systems came bearing troublesome news.
"What do you mean, there is opposition to my coronation? I am the sole heir, and my father died of old age. Where exactly is the problem?" Sintius asked. "It's your generation, sire", replied the prime minister. "I don't need to tell you the story of Brilthang the Founder. 'From this throne shall I and my sons for a thousand generations rule this realm.' The genealogy of your family is quite well documented, and your father was of the thousandth generation."
"And there are those who would use the founding of our kingdom to destroy it forever more?"
"Well not destroy it as such, sire. But for almost as long as the kingdom has existed, there have been those who felt the monarchy was no longer needed. A group of them is making a fuss of things now because they think they can use the Brilthang's words to their advantage. And unfortunately, it seems that they are finding the people receptive to their ideas. This is a very awkward situation that isn't going to go away. We have to sort it out, or larger problems will emerge."
The prince considered this for a few moments. "Very well. Bring the leader of this group to me. Let us see what he has to say for himself." he commanded.

To be continued...

The Sorcerers Journey

The other day I learnt the artist and title of the theme music to the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy: The Journey of the Sorcerer by The Eagles. It's a very cool piece of music, with a nice combination of the banjo with more modern elements.

In other music related news, it would appear that there is a Britney Spears song that I do like. No further comment on this at this time

I'm back on centrelink money. It went pretty smoothly. I had to fill out an extra form because one of my housemates is a girl. The form seems to be mostly checking to make sure couples don't pretend to be separate to get extra money from the government.

New episodes of Family Guy have started being shown.

As you might be able to tell, I haven't been out much since I got back to Australia. Part apathy, part can't be bothered (another form of apathy), part can't be damned (yet another form of apathy). I did do a little bit of shopping today. I got fed up with not having enough coathangers, and so decided to buy some more. I also got some new drinking glasses, as the ones I used to have mysteriously disappeared during or soon after our housewarming party. The new ones aren't so large, but there are six of the as opposed to the surviving two of the old ones.

Almost distracted myself with a game of nethack, but resisted temptation.

I've started thinking about writing some fiction. I've had ideas in the past, but never really developed them in the past. Perhaps I should write some up as entries here and then patch them together when something gets finished. Could make for some very confusing reading. In fact I will. The question is do I restart my Buffy/The Phantom crossover story, or my philosophical piece on the merits of the monarchy. Why not both? Look forward to many (well a few) interesting characters.

On blog related notes, it seems Darth Vader has a blog. It's very well written, but it is a slightly different spin on the character.

Mass doses of culture

On Thursday I got a bit more culture than I normally do. Not only did I go to a movie, I also went and saw a play.

The movie was Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I was a bit worried that things would not be well with this, as I tend to be very dissappointed by people who try to make books into movies. Be Cool, a movie I saw about a month ago, was a shocking example of this. But the hitchikers movie was good. It was different to the book, but the book was different to the radio show, the tv show, the computer game and the towel, so making changes for the new medium is not something wrong for the guide. However, when the opening titles started I was reassured. The song is brilliant, and works so well. I was a bit dissappointed by Zaphod's two heads and third arm, but overall the movie was good. Magrathea was marvelous. All round a good film

The play was The Taming of the Shrew. I managed to pick up some free tickets so off I went. They set it in 1940's New York rather than italy a few centuries ago. It worked rather well I thought.

End of Post
Writing time: 20 minutes

end non-chronological posting

Current posting resumes.

Stop attrocities because they make me feel bad

I'm currently in Kanchanaburi. For those whose knoledge of geography derives from movies, think the Bridge on the River Kwai. And of course there are museums wiht info on all of this, how many people died, where the railroad went, etc. One thing I did learn was teh the Netherlands were involved in the war in the Pacific, which kind of makes sense when you remember all the stuff about the Dutch East Indies and so forth, but I guess most of the time everyone concentrates on the big 5, England, America, France, Germany and Russia. I suppose the Netherlands also to part in the war in Europe, but I have no idea what it was.

The thing that most affected me though was walking throught the PoW cemetary. In the cemetary are buried nearly 7000 people who died during WWII. I thought I would be able to have a leisurely stroll throught eh cemetary, read the names, look at the monuments etc. But the place got to me. Normally, I'm ok with all things militaristic. I like things that make big bangs, and I know a few ways of making big bangs. But stuff like that brings home that no matter how fast the things fly or how big the bangs, the things should not be used.

Although people die every day, no one should hasten the rate at which it happens. That is the greatest tragedy. Not the ruined buildings, or any other destruction. The taking of so many lives is horrendous, and should not be allowed.

Confessions of a reader

I've recently read an extracted version of the Confessions of St Augustine. One of the reasons I picked it up at the airport was because my high school was named after St Augustine. Since then I've learnt a bit more about the life and writings of St Augustine, and so when I saw it at the airport I was intrigued enough to buy it.

The book was a bit different to what I was expecting. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it was a lot more preachy than I thought it would be. As an autobiography it was ok, but the thing I didn't like was St Augustine's attitude toward God. It's very much "all the worthwhile and good things I've done are all God's doing, and the bad things just examplify the areas I need to become closer to God".

The thing I don't like about this kind of attitude is that it ignores the abilities and the accomplishments of people. In Augustine's case, his transformation from a freewheeling rebelous youth to a respectable holy man. Regardless of what inspired Augustine, he made the decision to change and improved himself, and is worthy of respect for that and his other acts. His worth is his own, not just because in a few small ways he resembles God.

I tend to believe that what a person does is more important than the motivations. Recently deceased Pope John Paul II, a very pious and honorable man, accomplished many great things during his life, and you would have to go a long way to find someone who would say otherwise, even if they, like I do not share his beliefs. He was a good man because of what he did, not why.

As a contrast to the writing of St Augustine, I have also recently read some work of Friedrich Nietzsche's, the rather modestly entitled "Why I am So Wise". A brief essay on how Mr Nietzsche feels he's so much better than the rest of us, especially the Germans. Given that my previous knowledge of Nietzsche come's from a faction in a sci-fi show known as the Nietzschiens, who were a rather self serving bunch of people with a very narrow point of view. Anyway, overall I wasn't that impressed by the writing of Nietzsche, so must only assume that his other work is of slightly more merit than this short work.

A few chronological notes

For the past 3 weeks I'v been visiting my sister in Thailand, and generally having a look see about the country. Unfortunately, one consequence of this is limited internet access, and no access to my own computer. As such, not much has been added to this blog. The entries following (above) this one were written by hand (novel concept) and will now be typed up for entry. More on the trip overall after I type these up.

Books of the Black variety

Today I splurged. I was looking for something to read on the plane to Thailand. But I couldn't find anything that I was interested in buying, so I ended up getting the collectors edition of the complete Black Books. Marvelous british comedy. I've spent most of my time since getting home watching the first disc. I think once I finish the disc I'll go back to the start and listen to the commentaries.

DVD commentaries are curious things. I've heard some really good ones, which give a lot of insight into what's going on and let you in on interesting trivia, but some can be really bad, and just seem like a bunch of yobbos going on about the show. I think the quality of a commentary is in inverse proportion to the number of people taking part. All the really good ones I've heard are just one person. The ones with three or four people are really unimpressive.

In the meantime I have to organise something to read on the flight. I think I'll burn a few audio books to listen to instead. That way I have all the fun of reading a book without actually reading. Maybe I can download a few of the Harry Potter novels. And Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. I'll have to make sure I take some batteries with me.

Bored now, ending post
writing time: 19 minutes

An end to job search training

At the moment I'm still on the dole. The main reason I haven't stopped handing in the forms is a lack of job security. Going in for 10 minutes twice in a month is less hassle than having to go through the whole new applicant stuff if I don't get my contract renewed at the end of any given month. And it's not like I'm costing the taxpayer much. I think the tax I pay from work would cover 20 minutes of some low grade civil servants pay for a month. And since I started working, I've got maybe a hundred dollars total, from the times when I was on a reduced roster.

But the most annoying part is a thing called job search training. After spending about 2 months on the dole, you have to attend job search training. This is where they say, ok you don't a job, so we're going to pretend that your job is looking for a job. Admittedly they do make concessions if you've got some work, and I've milked that for most of what it's worth. But tomorrow I have my completion interview, and I haven't done all the things I've meant to have done. The main thing I haven't done is the direct sucking up type of job searching, where you just call up people out of the blue and say "I'm so and so, this is what I can do, do you have any positions available that may be suited to my skills". Quite frankly, if I'm busy working I don't really want to have to do this. I'm going to try and wrangle out of some of it on a technicality, that it only says list x many companies that you will hassle, so that's a partial escape. And I think the person I have the interview with is somewhat sympathetic, and I have done most of the other less time consuming parts.

Well, all things must come to an end, and I hope the fact that I've been working at a regular job since I began the job search training, and still am is enough to get me over the line. And if not I may still have a get out of jail card. This Sunday I leave the country for three weeks to visit my sister. And the government won't give me money while I'm overseas, and are too stupid to just pause my payments. No, I have to go off newstart, and make a new application when I get back in the country. So perhaps I should just go off the payments now, and save myself the hassle.

Ah well, I'm going to stop typing now, and apply for another two jobs.

End Post
writing time: 32 minutes

Back online

Well, after the move and the period of internet deprivation I'm back online. And thank god for that. I'm so far behind on my regular net activities it's not funny. Take this for instance, it's been at least a month since the last time I put anything up on here. And I'm still waiting to find out how Stargate and Atlantis finish. Although not for much longer.

I started a game just before I moved, expecting to not be out of touch long. The games still going, it's on about turn 15 or so, and I've submitted moves for maybe 5 turns. I'm in a really shit position, but am still in the game. Now we'll see how much longer I can last.

I'm still working in a call center. I'm not quite sure. I'm obviously doing something right, as I started out on a 6 week contract 3 weeks before christmas, and I'm still there. But it seems every time the higher ups listen in on my calls, I've made a mistake. I'm still getting told off for not using names and response phrases enough, but I'm still working on it. We'll see if they keep me on after telling them I'm going to be away for three weeks next month.

Now that I'm back online it'll probably be easier for me to finish up the bullshit job search training that I'm going through right now.

I'm not typing anything too fascinating so I'll stop now.

End Post
Writing time: 50 minutes

long time no write

So it's been a while since I've written anything here. Partly this is a lack of any major happenings. Now there are some so I guess I shoudl go over them.

I'm moving house soon. The new place is very close to the university. I'm still not sure about how it's going to turn out. One of the friends I'm moving in with is very unilateral about things. Has to have things his own way, and is very unwilling to compromise. Another is a bit of a neat freak, but it shouldn't be too bad as I tend to keep my mess within the limits of my room.

My job is going to be finished soon. Even though I got my contract extended, I missed out on a permanent position. I guess it just means I get a bit of time to look for a new job while still having something to do and get money from. There's a position I'm really keen on that I'm going to apply for tomorrow. It's a scientific assistant at a high school. The money's good, I can pretty much do everthing they want, plus I can do a whole heap of extra stuff that would be an advantage in the job. Hopefully all goes well.

Moving out of course means having to clean up the current place. I'll have to make an inventory and see just how much of the junk I've acquired I want to keep. I can think of a few things that I've got that I haven't touched since putting them in their current location when I moved in here a year ago. I'll probably have a bit of a wonder around and see if I can get anything for some of it.

End Post
Writing time: 130 minutes

long time no post

I'm too tired to write anyhting right now. Perhaps tomorrow

End post
Writing time: 1 minute

looking for a new home

I'm currently looking for a new place. A friend of mine wants to move out, so he, my current housemate, and myself are looking for a new place. It's not going well so far. I have my doubts that we will be able to find a place that meets the criteria we all have.

I'm starting to get a little worried that this may start causing problems. We found one place that seems ok, except that one of the rooms is only 7' x 11'. This is too small to fit all my stuff, and for some reason the other two seem to think I'm the one whose going to get the small room.

Tonight I found out that the friend who wants to move out wants to use the fact that he's going to do the yard work as a reason why he shouldn't have to pay for the phone or internet. This perhaps wouldn't be quite so frustrating if it weren't for the fact that he's the one who is absolutely insistent that we have to have a house with a yard as he wants to do yardwork.

All over this is getting quite frustrating. All I want is a room large enough to put all my stuff in, a shower with a decent showerhead, and being within walking distance of regular public transport, preferably a train station.

Time discontinuity here.

I got interrupted writing this by a discussion about whether we'll take the place and who will pay for what. We seem to have reached an agreement. I'll take the small room and pay a lot less rent.

Right now I'm having second thoughts about the deal. Right now I'm feeling bitter and resentful, mainly becuase I don't like it that the other two just assumed I'd be happy with the small room.

Now I'm not sure if I'm happy with this. I've already stopped doing one thing because I wasn't happy doing it. Why should I now go into a situation where I'm going to feel unhappy and bitter towards those I live with?

This is going to be tricky. The others are very keen on the place. And I've already changed my mind on this once.
The question now going through my head is why should I not now try and find someone to take my housemates room, and just stay where I am. I'm happy here, can fit all my stuff in my room, and it would solve a few hassles.

I'm definately not happy with this. Not being happy is a bad thing, and should be avoided. I guess that means we keep looking.

Writing time: 18 hours 7 minutes (a record perhaps? For me definately, the world? Who knows?)

Time for another post

I'm a bit tired. I didn't sleep well last night, as it's been a bit hot recently, and I had an early shift today. A mere 13 hours between shifts isn't all that fun. Ah well, that's the price we pay. The other day they asked for expressions of interest for extended contracts and permanent part time positions, so hopefully the weekend won't be too busy so I can put together a reasonably impressive expression of interest. There are worse ways to pay your bills. Hopefully it goes ok. I may have a bit of trouble, as my first call monitoring didn't go to well. I forgot to do one important thing, which meant I didn't get a good result. I'll just have to wait and see.

I've been playing some diablo II recently, I started up a new assasin. I just killed Duriel for the first time, and contrary to usual form, I didn't die once. I think it was the speed, I was able to run away from him to escape properly.

My supervisors are going to be back in the country soon, so I'm going to have to make a decision about what I'm going to do in a month or two. I don't think I won't to go back. Right now I don't think that if I did go back I'd be any more productive than I was.

I think I've said before that there was a time where my future was all clear and planned, with an obvious sequence of events. I think I'm no longer the same person now as I was then. I'm more bitter, more wary of sentiment and emotion, and all round not as happy. I think I know when the change occured, its in the post that has yet to be finished (The writing time on that ones going to be impressive).

So now what should my plan be? Continue at a simple job, and find pleasure in the other aspects of life? Financially I think I can do it, but the prospect of engaging in a job like that, saying I'm going to do this now, is a bit daunting. Perhaps I can convince myself that it's just a temporary measure. It does pay better than centerlink, and they're much easier to deal with.

The longer term though is something I'm worried about. The thought of just having a job, and that being the main focus of my life is something that doesn't seem appealing. It lacks wow. I can't see myself telling someone this is how I spend most of my time and them being impressed. When you tell someone you're doing a PhD in physics, the response is: wow, you must be smart. But working in a call center, that's nothing special.

A friend of mine recently told me that I seem to be too concerned with what he called the GRAND IDEA. He said that I should be less concerned with my ultimate fate and appreciate the here and now. I think he's right in some ways. I have been trying to find a grand idea, but as I told him, I'm trying to replace something I once had, and longer have. Until it's gone, you don't really appreciate how reassuring it is to have a strong surety of purpose. A knowledge that there is a plan, there is a goal, and a rough idea of the path you're going to take. It made life much easier to take. Now I'm lost in the middle of nowhere, with no path in site, and I have no idea where to go.

Looking at most of what I've just typed, I mainly seem to be highlighting different facets of my problem, but not it's whole. If anyone can work out and concisely state what my problem is, please let me know. Knowing the problem is the first step to finding a solution.

End post
Writing time: 28 minutes

The Lord of Dreams

Recently I've started reading The Sandman, by Neil Gaiman. This is a very impressive series of comics, much more than what one normally expects from comics. Many have said it, but it is true that it is very much a piece of literature, regardless of its medium.

In the introduction to one of the collections, Neil Gaiman relates how he was asked to describe the series in 25 words or less. He came up with: The Lord of Dreams learns that all things must change or die, and makes his decision. This is somewhat of a universal truth, and most of us choose to change.

For some time now, I've felt that I must change. I lack self discipline. I don't make plans, and sometimes when I do, I don't follow them (it depends on how much of events I control. Plans to see a movie at a certain time tend to happen. Plans to clean my room today tend to fall by the side).

I have no ambition. I have no grand goal of doing anything by anywhen. I have written (or at least thought of writing) before about how I have no purpose in life, no guiding principle. This is another facet of it. My needs are reasonably simple. An ok place to live, running water, a decent internet connection, food, access to public transport, shops close by, and a bit of spare cash after paying for all of this. These are not huge needs, and they suffice. But in a world obsessed with materialism and capitalism, they can seem a bit paltry. But the urge to acquire just because you can is hollow and unappealing. Similar logic applies to religion. Faith appears irrational and unsupportable, and seems inconsistent and the thing worshiped unworthy of our respect. But atheism, or humanism, or rationalism makes the universe a big lonely thing, with nothing to aspire to but self satisfaction.

I don't communicate much. I never have. At first, it was because those around me didn't respect me, but it later became habit. Solitude is a default ground state. And when I do talk to others, it is rarely about important things. Tonights episode of The Simpsons is not a topic to encourage depth of thought. I like to know what I'm talking about, and if I'm not sure how I feel, how can I talk about it. Some of the times, I can't even find the words. Nearly all communication is by words. If I don't have the words to descirbe something, how can I talk to someone about it.

I find it hard to emphasise with others. I find it hard to understand what their thinking, whats going on inside. I find it easy to ignore the plight of others. I find it annoying when people try to force their ideas on me. I don't want to give money to people like greenpeace, learn that god was an alien, or that Jesus is my saviour. If I want to do that, I'll go to the appropriate people. I don't bug them to support my points of view, so leave me to mine. I find it annoying when people don't understand what I'm trying to say or explain. I get frustrated when people don't know things I take for granted.

I don't get enough exercise. This I'm slowly improving with weekly jogs, but there's still a lot of room for improvement. It's been a long time since I really practised my juggling. About a six weeks before christmas I set a goal of losing about 3 kilos by christmas. I weighed myself a few days ago, and not only did I not lose that weight, I actually put on that much. I'd like to reconcile myself with the fact that muscle is denser than fat, but that I think is just deluding myself.

So those are a few of the things about me that need changing. And now I face a choice. And unlike Dream, I don't think I'm quite ready to accept the embrace of Death. So, now I have to find a way to make changes. I need to work out what the changes I'm going to make are. I need to decide to improve things. This, I'm quite sure, is going to be tricky.

Now is the eve of the new year, and I'm sitting here at home, alone, typing this while listening to The Games. I have never celebrated a new years eve. Years of spendng summers going back home, where very little iteresting occurs at said event have ingrained a habit of staying in.

And so, as is the tradition, I shall make a resolution. In the coming year I will change. And not just change as a response to events. I shall seek to improve myself, make myself a better person, a more complete person. Let's see how it goes.

End Post
Writing time: 37 minutes.

A new Entry

It's been a while. I've been working at my new job. Up until yesterday, it wasn't too bad. I spent about half my time waiting for a call. Today was different though. Once one call finished, another would come in. Ah well, I guess it's time to earn the money they pay me. My only concern is that it's a short term contract, with a possibility of extension, but currently I don't think the odds of continuing on are that good. The contract included the week before christmas and the aftermath, so I have the impression that this was seasonal work. Ah well, perhaps I should make sure to put some money away while it's coming in. That shouldn't be too tricky, as I've been rostered on for every public holiday, making 5 hours work worth $200 before tax. That should help the old bank account.

Christmas was ok. My uncle came over for dinner and we spent some time together. I didn't get too many presents, compared to previous years. A beanbag, some shirts, some books. Mum's overseas visiting my sister, and apparently I will be recieving some more clothes upon her return. Ah well, all things tend towards entropy.

The tsunami thing in the indian ocean is really uncool. Lots of people dead. Lots of homes ruined. And lots of people who have lost family, homes and now have to rebuild. My sister is currently in Thailand, as is Mum, but their both ok. Still, all those other people are in a really bad position.

That reminds of probably the most impressive thing I've seen about the company I'm working for. They're donating us $100k, plus they're going to match donations made by the employees. This creates a different impression to some of the stuff during training. One video was on how important it was to obey the law and stuff, because all the negative publicity when caught doing something wrong is really bad. Whatever happened to obeying the law because it's the right thing todo. And they've got these four ideals. And for each of them thre is a symbol. One of these ideals is build. and the symbol they picked for build is the impossible triangle (an example is here). The thing they chose to represent build can not be physically be built. It takes a certain type of mind to come up with something like that.

End Post
writing time: 37 minutes

A Change of Location

I've moved this to a new location. The reason I did this was because I had let a small number of people I know know about this. Those people know who they are.

Knowing that those people know, and read this, has stopped me doing what this is about. Self-introspection, reflection and evaluation. It's a personal thing, and as it turns out, something I can't do with onlookers.

So for those few who knew of this, and have found the new location, please turn away. I thought I could share this with you, but I can't. This is nothing against you.

Random strangers I can tolerate. Feel free to peruse, and if you feel inclined, comment.

This may seem odd, wanting random people to read, but not those I know. This is because I need to do this by myself, without the help of those I normally rely on.

End post
writing time: 5 minutes

World's Best Drunken Pool Story*

So, yesterday training for my job finished, and afterwards a number of those doing the training went to the bar down the road for a "graduation" celebration. And as it happened, there were some pool tables there, so after a while some of us started playing.

Now, I'm not exactly a pro, or even a talented amatuer, but I enjoy playing, and can usually manage to sink at least one ball in a game.

So, at the start of game 1, I had had one smirnoff black**, and was starting on my second. I got the third shot, after the other side sunk one of the orange balls (yeah, I know, the tables were small too), so I go for a purple into a corner pocket. Well, the purple went the wrong way, bounced off the black which then went into the pocket I was aiming to get the purple ball in. Game over. We continued anyway to get our moneys worth. The second drink lasted through the second game, which wasn't all that interesting.

So as the third game starts, I'm starting my third drink in about an hour and a half. The other side breaks and sinks a ball, and my partner on his go also sinks a shot. Then the other side sunk the white giving me two shots, starting from the D. So I look at the table, and I can place the white for a nice shot on one of the purple balls into the side pocket, which I proceed to sink. The whites now lined up for another nice shot, this time into a corner pocket, which I also sink, and another shot is lined up. As I make this third shot, I only lightly tap the white, and before I can stop myself, hit the white again, and sink a third ball. I'm pretty sure that this is a foul, and so give the other side their shot. He then shoots at a purple ball, and my partner calls foul on him. He disputes this, and there is a slight discussion as to who is what colour. As it turns out, I was orange. At this point I'm not exactly feeling too good. Nevertheless, the game continues, and my partner sinks another ball. When my next turn comes around, I manage to sink two balls, this time orange. Some more shots, I think the other side might have sunk another one ball, and my turn comes around again. I sink the last two oranges, and then the black. Victory.

So, a glorius combination of "boy was I doing good", and "how can you be so stupid". It was at that point I stopped drinking for the evening. I also declared my retirement from pool forever, being pretty much unable to ever top that without learning how to sink every ball from the break.


* By "world's", I mean my
** Smirnoff Black is a vodka mixed with some other stuff. about 7% alcohol by volume, with 1.9 australian standard drinks per bottle. The elapsed time for this adventure was between 1.5-2 hours

Writing time: 18 minutes

Let's see what comes out

I'm almost finished training for my new job. Tomorrow we'll be taking some actual calls, which should be interesting. I'm reasonably happy with my understanding of the computer programs involved, moreso than some others, but the actual talking to people bit will be a bit tougher for me than for the others I think.

I tend to be a man of very few words. There are many reasons for this. One is my tendency to ignore the rest of the world when concentrating on things. Another is a very insular focus. I don't talk to strangers on the bus for idle chit-chat. I don't really do idle chit-chat in general. Also, when I'm in a conversation, I tend to remain quite for most of the time, prefering to listen to what goes on. Most of the time I don't say much unless I feel I have something pertinant to contribute. Depending on the context and subject matter, the amount I have to say can vary a lot. There are some subjects I don't talk about, voluntarily or when drawn out upon the subject. In fact, I have even mangaed to aggravate people by my refusal to talk on occasion.

But now I'm veering into territory I'm not really willing to head into so we'll change pace. Thinking of a new topic. This is tricky. I recently heard that The Goodies will be coming to Australia next year and doing some shows around the place (BBC News), so I shall have to keep an eye out for when that is.

Hopefully it'll be at the Powerhouse, which is a great place and has had many good shows. The Powerhouse hosts a lot of comedy performances, as well as other stuff. Last year among other things I saw there was a one man performance of Animal Farm. One man, a ladder, a bucket, and another guy providing background music. It was quite impressive. The least impressive show I've seen there was a musical remake of Hamlet put into a corporate setting, with the state of Denmark being replaced by the corporation of something or other. My main complaint was that it was too heavy handed in its anti-globalisation message.

That's something I find unpleasant in many groups. I don't necessarily disagree with their message, but frequently I find their inability to accept other viewpoints as not good. As I have put it on many an occasion, I have a fundamental opposition to fundamental opposition. I don't really take seriously people who seem too die hard about their positions. Perhaps it's because I've never had a strong belief in a cause that I find myself unable to accept that others can devote themselves fully to something and just ignore other perspectives. But I'd like to think that the smart way of doing things is to go with what works, keep an open mind, and to be sceptical. Don't just accept every crackpots theory about how standing on your head for 3 hours a day will cure you of cancer, but if he can show you properly documented experimental results that show it works, then give him a chance.

That brings up something that really peeves me. The number of crack pots with all their different remedies, for everything from headaches to backpain, from insomnia to cancer. Most of them have nice looking commercials with people saying how good their product is, but none of them seem to explain how their product works, or provide any sort of scientific evidence backing up their claims. Some of them claim that their methods are beyond science, or revolutionarily different. If their product works, why would they be afraid of letting someone test it under controlled conditions.

Recently I've seen a few adds for magnetic blankets. I'm not quite sure what their meant to do, or how they do it. I've also seen a few guys selling them at the local store. I'm tempted to go up to them one day and ask them how they work. I've got the general plan of tyring to lead them to say that EM fields are somehow involved. Then I'll ask them that "Don't high voltage power lines create EM fields? And don't they cause cancer? So why are your EM fields good when those EM fields are bad? Won't your product give me cancer?" It'll be interesting to see how much I can make them squirm.

End Post
Writing time: 40 minutes

Sometimes good things happen

I was wandering around the web today and found something among the news that doesn't make me despair for the future of humanity. In fact, it did quite the opposite. It seems that the nations of South America are forming their own little mini-EU. Yesterday, the leaders of twelve South American nations signed the Declaration of Cuzco, a statement of intent to unify South America, in much the same way Europe has with the EU.

All in all, I think this is a good thing. Cooperation is a much better way of doing things then bickering, and making it easier for people to trade, travel, and learn about each other is always going to help. I think you just have to look at all the former Warsaw pact nations looking to join the EU shows just how advantageous such a joining together can accomplish.

Working together South America should be able to improve their lot even more. Surely just the advantages of providing a unified front when dealing with the USA should make this worthwhile.

So in this, I wish the people of South America all the best, and hope that it all works out.

Gainfully employed?

Tomorrow I enter the workforce. After a bit of a mess, I have a job. And after the last fiasco, a job that pays wages. It's a bit of an odd situation though, where I'm not actually employed by the company I'm doing the work for. That company pays the company that's employing me, and then they pay me. The only advantage that I can see in the whole scheme is that it may make it easier to get rid of someone if they're no good, without all the hassles of firing them yourself. Just tell the recruitment agency that we don't want that person here anymore and let them sort it out.

So tomorrow I start 9 days of training, 8:30 to 5. And then I work 25 hours a week. The pay is such that it's about the same as what I used to get, so that'll be nice. I'm not quite sure why I'll need nine days of training for the job though. As a customer service thingy, I believe my job is to take calls from stores that offer credit, listen to them explain why their customer should be approved for credit, take all the details, and then tell them if the computer says yay or nay. Surely it can't be that complicated. I just hope that nothing too important was covered on the first day, as I'm sort of a last minute hiree, and the other people starting in the job will be getting a full ten days training.

Hopefully there won't be too many training videos. Who was it who mamaged to convince everyone that an asinine video that assumes the mental capacities of a 10 year old would make a better way of training someone than having someone who knows their shit come in and actually explain the stuff? And then, most people top it off by having some yahoo reading from a bit of paper accompanying the video, who have marvelous contributions to add about how the're unsure of how to use the VCR. Hasn't everyone caught on to the fact that the play button has a single triangle on it and the stop button has a square on it. It's not that complicated people.

Ah well, I'm getting paid for the training, and at a much better rate than my last endevour. In fact, I think the training period will pay off my credit card and pay for my christmas shopping. The situation would be quiite so worrying if it weren't for the internet bil that just went through, or else I'd have a bit more leeway financially. But it should all be ok now.

Honour without pride, pride without honour?

So, I've taken up a job. It's doing sales work with a company whose management structure greatly resembles a pyramid. And after but one day, I have a problem. I hate it. I thought my soul was being consumed before, but this is worse. Back at uni, one of the contibuting factors was I felt bad becuase I knew what I should be doing, and I wasn't doing this. I had certain obligations, and I wasn't meeting them. While I didn't seem to be able to fix this, I knew it was wrong. With this new job, I hate what I'm doing. When your mantra becomes "Along, not across"* things are not good.

And so I have a dilemma. I've given my word that I will give this company my best, until something better comes along. If I cop out, I break my word. I may be happier, but then I have lost honour. If I stick with it, I keep my word, but I lose some self respect.

So, it would seem that it comes down to which to I value more, honour or self respect. But it's not that easy. If I quit, break my word and lose honour, then how can I respect myself. And if I keep my honour in a way that causes me to become something I don't like, what good is honour.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if I was getting some good money for it. Today, after a 12 hour workday, more if you include the commute, I got a whole $38. Five years ago when I was working at KFC I got better money than that. And I got more time off. That just about pays for my new tie, public transport, lunch and the booze I bought to try and help me spend the evening in something besides misery.

I think that last point is a telling point. Never before have I sought refuge in the bottle. Not even when I felt the greatest pain I think I ever have. I didn't eat for almost five days, but I didn't seek escape. But that was pain. This is if not self-loathing, something akin to it.

I took time off from uni because I was unhappy with where I was. Dole bludging, while not stimulating or challenging, didn't turn me into something I don't like. This does. And I want out.

And so I have the question, which do I value more, honour or pride? And can I have one without the other?

A post about a post that's yet to be

The reason I started this blog was to give me a place to vent. Somewhere where I could commit my thoughts to something a bit less volatile than my own mind. As a part of this some of this would be dealing with my past. While this hasn't happened quite as I planned, it's getting there.

One of the posts was to be about my one attempt at romance. I knew going into it that it would be tough. So far I've written about two paragraphs, and that was more than a month ago. Now, normally I'm not all that communicative, but this is a bit extreme.

One part of the delay is that I have a metaphorical deal with pain. I avoid the things that cause it, and it leaves me alone. I know, pretty much everyone does this, but an explicit statement thereof makes things more significant. At least to my point of view. So, when I start to think about the topic, it pushes the limits of this deal.

Then there's the fact that it's a private matter. I've only ever told one member of my family about this, and that was limited to the fact that there was a girl I'm interested in. I don't think there's a single person who knows both sides of the situation. I know I don't.

Why does this sort of thing have to be so tricky? It's a pretty fundamental type of thing. One could almost go so far as to say that it's the basis for human culture. Am I talking about romance or communication?

I'm going to give the post another go later this evening. Perhaps I should have a few drinks beforehand. People say alcohol makes you freer with your words, but I've never found that to be the case. Mainly I get tired, and laugh too much at things.

By god can I be arrogant

I'm an athiest/agnostic. I don't really think that there's some great big god out there watching over us. I have an explanation for this, which follows these lines.

Assume god exists in some form.
Work out what the world would be like if the assumed god did exist.
Compared hypothetical world with actual world.
The real world is not quite like that is it?
Therefore the assumed god does not exist.

Now this is a seemingly simple proof by contradiction, but only recently did I spot something within it that threatens its validity. The problem is that you have to define god. Now, assuming a god did exist, isn't it just a little bit presumptive for me to dictate what form he would take. And so, now I have to add a bit more finesse to the argument.

A simple addition would be to repeat the process for all possible assumed gods. One problem with this though is that it still doesn't rule out all gods. Any god who created the universe so that today it appears the way it is and has then done nothing to affect the portion of the universe we can observe so far will pass the test. But is a god that merely flipped a switch and then gone onto other things really that impressive. Ok, they made a universe and all, but the sentiment there is more a factory working making a watch, not a craftsman putting together a work of art. And is there really any point in worshipping a god who just made a place to live in and then left it alone for whoever to walk in and occupy it. It's not like your going to be rewarded for it.

A christian god should still be ruled out though. It's not like he's been active all that recently. And if he made everything, and is all loving and all caring, why is there evil in the world? And don't cop out by saying that all the evil is due to Satan. Just where do you think Satan came from? Wyoming? No, I believe Satan, and his cohorts, were formerly angels, weren't they? And guess who created all the angels? Why I think it was the one called I am, the big god man himself. So was something whispering in his ear as he made the angels? Are we to have evil beings instead of turtles going all the way down?

I think this boils down to what you want out of a god. Me, I want a god with the following properties: wisdom, power, knowledge, kindness, consistency, flexibility, not necessarily in that order. The way the christian god fails for me is that one can live what many would say is a perfect christian life, raise your kids well, be kind to others, help out those in need, etc, etc, but, if you make the one tiny mistake of not believing in god, well your just out of luck. Apparently the all-knowing, all-loving, all-forgiving god can't let that one slide. And that, kind people, is bullshit.

It's christmas where?

So we're through November, and christmas stuff is everywhere. I think the first sighting of christmas paraphenalia was in late October. I feel this is a bit too much.

I'm not sure why the stores do this. They know that people are going to buy christmas presents. Well at least all the christians, practising or otherwise. I can understand a sort of getting into the spirit, but two whole months? Prolonged exposure just desensitizes you to it. I get nowhere near as excited about christmas nowadays compared to when I was a little kid. Part of that is growing up, but seeing christmas decorations for two months beforehand, you just get tired of it.

Personally, I'm not going to do anything christmas related until December. No shopping for presents, putting up decorations, etc, etc. No buying of christmas stocking chocolates either.

Of course, this means that in 3 or 4 weeks tv is going to be inundated with christmas specials, all of which have been shown oh too many times. This is fine for the kids, but can we keep normal programming for the rest of us?

The story of a story

About a year ago I started to write a story. I didn't get far. The story was planned to sort of be a bit of a debate about whether or not monarchy in its various forms is good or bad for a society. Thinking back, a lot of my thinking seemed to reflect some of the republic debate here in Australia. The basic outline of the story was as follows

Big tough guy deposes a cruel tyrant. He then proclaims that for 1000 generations his heirs will rule. Over the next 1000 generations the small country (a bit like something from a Conan story) grows into an interstellar empire (not to big, 20-30 star systems) and the ruling family go from being absolute rulers to almost figureheads, a bit like the Queen of England, but with more power in setting the general policies of the government. The problem comes when the 1000th generation dies and a controversy arises as to whether his son is allowed to become ruler.

The general idea was that the story would consist of a number of sort of debates about how the existence of a hereditary ruling family has shaped the culture, and if it has had a positive or negative effect. Various people have different opinions based on their position, experience and outlook. Some of the alternatives looked at include a directly elected head of state in some form or another, the return of rule to the tyrant’s descendants, and maintenance of the status quo.

Part of the problem in writing this is that I'm not too good at dialogue, and as most of it would be discussions between the heir and other people, this is a bit of a problem. The other thing is that I'm still not sure what I want the final resolution to be.

I wish I had more money

The other day I was browsing a book store and was quite happy when I got to the new releases in the sci fi section. There were three books, all of which on simply seeing, I knew I would read and most likely quite enjoy.

First up was The Art of Discworld. This book feature many wonderful illustration by Paul Kidby of the Discworld and it's many inhabitants. I actually went through the whole thing in the bookstore. All of the pictures are really impressive. The other thing that really impressed me was how much the pictures matched my idea of the characters. This is not always the case. The worst example I can think of is the illustrated guide to the wheel of time. I went through most of that looking at the illustrations and thinking that those aren't the people their meant to be.

The second was The Algebraist by Iain M Banks. Banks is an excellent author who has created a unique world with his Culture novels. While The Algebraist isn't set within the Culture universe, I still expect it to be a good read.

Finally there was the Runes of the Earth. The first book in the last chronicles of Thomas Covenant. Anyone who recognises the name Thomas Covenant shouldn't have any question as to why I want to read this one. The Thomas Covenant novels are a masterpiece. Though dark, they offer insight into belief, reality, sacrifice, service, loyalty, hope, redemption and more aspects of humanity.

So, I've put holds on two books at the local library, and have some good reading ahead.

Job Interviews

Yesterday I had an interview for a job. The job was a telemarketing position. However it was selling to businesses, not interupting people during dinner, so I wouldn't have had to forsake my whole soul. Just a small bit of it. It did mean having to wear a monkey suit, ie good shirt and tie. First worrying thing: it took about 5 minutes for me to do up the top button around my neck. First good thing: I tied my tie first time.

So I go in and talk to the lady from the recruiting agency. She seemed much more keen on selling the job to me than making sure I could do the job. She also gave me a bunch of banking forms and employment stuff to fill in which struck me as slightly optimistic. After a 10-15 minute chat with her, she sent me over to the actual company to have an interview with their guy.

The guy at the company seemed a bit sceptical as to why I wanted to be a telemarketer. Apparently it's not the first choice career of people with degrees in physics and maths and good IT skills. I explained that I wanted to do something different to what I ahd been doing before, and that I had tried for other jobs that are more skilled, but was hampered by a lack of experience, which could partly be rectified by doing some sort of work involving regular contact with people. Motivation and the ability to deal with rejection were factors also brought up.

In the end I didn't get the job. The two spots available went to other people with experience. Ah well. I only really applied because it was something I could do and Centerlink make me apply for 10 jobs a fortnight.

Now the thing that really confused me was the lady from the recruiting agency's reaction to part of my CV. The thing that really impressed her was my career objective. Now, when I was updating my CV, I refered to How to be a Man. This is a well written and honest reference guide to many of the things that are useful to know in regular life. Now, when it comes to putting in a career objective for a resume, aside from saying to keep it short and simple, the authors say "This is the section of your CV which would be called 'fiction' if you were being honest'. Keeping this in mind then, my career objective read

"To become the best telemarker that I can, and to rise through the ranks to team leader and eventually into management".

Now if you saw something like that in a CV, having no other knowledge of the person, just how sincere do you think a statement like that would be? It's just as well that I haven't applied for any other jobs through the agency, or they'd have noticed I want to become the best data entry operator, collections agent, help desk operator and others that I can be. And so I wonder about people who are impressed by this sort of thing. I mean, I have a first class honors degree in physics. I'm half way through a PhD. Surely there is something in what I've previously done that is slightly more impressive than one very insincere sentence intended to curry favor.

Keeping in Touch

Very rarely do I make an effort to continue a friendship once regular contact ceases. One part of this is laziness, another is that I don't really bond well with people, and so I don't have that much invested in most friendships. Finally most of my friends have been at some type of school like setting, so the main commonality is being in the same place at the same time doing pretty much the same thing.

The last time I saw a friend from high school was about a month ago, briefly at subway late on a Friday night. Another friend lives nearby and I occaisonaly see him at the train station. My best friend from high school I haven't seen for a couple of years. The majority I haven't seen since the last day of school.

Something similar is now happening with my friends from undergrad. Most of the people I went through undergrad with have moved onto new places, new universities, new departments, new jobs. A few have hung around, but not many.

So now it seems that if I'm to have more than a few friends I make regular contact with, I'll have to make some more. This I don't do well. Compound that with my recent hermit like behaviour, I seem to becoming even more misanthropic. This does not bode well.

Career Goals

Today, as part of trying to prove that I deserve to get money from the government for being unemployed I had to go to a company who is supposed to help me get a job. There I had to fill out a form that is essentially a resume, and listen to them prattle on a bit. So far their efforts seem to be signing me up to a jobsearch website run by the government. Yay, taxpayers money well spent.

The guy who processed me through there was quite unimpressed with one of my responses on the form. Under career ambitions I wrote
Find a job that doesn't suck away at my soul.
So perhaps it's not the most positively framed career ambition. But it's honest. I think it's a lot better than their example which was along the lines of "to gain experience in the field of administration". What is that about? That's not an ambition. It's a natural consequence of doing administration work. My ambition is to find something to do that doesn't make me feel like I'm trapped into doing something I don't want to do.

Let's try and rephrase that in a slightly more positive mindset
I want to find a job that enagages and stimulates me and encourages me to achieve my potential.
Wow. Now I hate myself. I look like a word wanker who prostitutes language to make it mean things it doesn't. Sure with a theusaurus it might look like it means the same, but it takes two very different mindsets to come up with. It's probably not good that I can do both.

Just how fucked up is America?

Well, The US presidential election is here again, and this time round the bruh-ha-ha will be in Ohio. But in reading some of the coverage on various sites, I've encountered something I find deeply offensive. It's a practise that seems to have no purpose but to try and ensure that those likely to vote for the opponent can't vote.

Apparently in some states the parties are allowed to have challengers at election sites. The role of these challengers seems to be to convince those running the election sites that certain people are ineligable to vote. Just what the fuck is going on with that? Having grown up in a country with mandatory voting I'm offended by this. I feel that it is morally wrong to have people standing by with the intention of claiming that people aren't entitled to vote.

The people doing this aren't neutral, uninvolved parties. If there were some restrictions on who could vote, such as people with volkswagons couldn't vote, and this were enforced by neutral parties, I could perhaps accept this. But the people doing this are members of the two big parties, and just what are they meant to be doing anyway? Do they tell the people running the polling booth that someone who looks like that already voted somewhere else today? How can they honestly expect to make a reasonable claim that someone shouldn't vote.

And that's another thing about American elections. They're not run by neutral parties. They're run by the parties, depending on whose in charge in each state. And that's why you get shit like what happened in Florida last time going on where the person in charge of announcing the official result was the person who ran Bush's campaign in Florida. Surely I don't have to point out that in no sane, rational society that should be acceptable.

Now, I acknowledge that no system of electing a government is going to be perfect, the more I see crazy stuff like this, the more I like the way the Australian system works. Firstly, elections are held on a Saturday, so everyone should be able to get to a polling booth to vote, which is just as well, cause we get fined if we don't. None of this "don't blame me, I didn't vote" bullshit, you had your say and if more people disagree than agree with you, well that's democracy for you. And then theres the ballots. A nice column of boxes, with the candidates neatly aligned so that one can easily and without doubt tell which box is for which candidate. You number the boxes one through to the number of candidates, with the one going to your prefered candidate. No computers, no punchcards, no hanging chads, just paper and pencil. And we manage to get most of the counting done by midnight the day of the election. Counting is done by scrutineers, who while being designated by the parties, everyone on a ballot can appoint a scrutineer, and it's a lot harder to get up to shenanigans with ballots when the enemy is sitting next to you watching. I may not agree with who got voted in, but the system seems better than most.

And now it appears that Howard with his majority in the senate may be planning to mess it up, just so he can keep going. Fuck he's a retard. Just what the fuck does it take to have an electorate turn against you. Last election he rustled up a scare campaign based on outright lies. Snce then he's gotten us involved in a war the most of us didn't support, agreed to a free trade agreement that mainly consists of Australia bending over to be fucked by America, lies to the people on many occasions, and then has the gall to run a campaign based on trust.

At the moment, the fate of the American presidency lies in Ohio, which currently is too close to call. The BBC puts Bush ahead by 150000 votes, as does CNN. FOX has decided that that is enough to give it to old George, but I think I'm going to go with the foreigners with this one. All we can do now is wait.

Well this went on a bit more than I thought it would. I really just wanted to express outrage at the concept of challengers at the polling booths. By god, just who do they think they are? If someone stopped me outside the polling booth and tried to tell me I couldn't vote, just cause they didn't like the look of me, there would be shit to pay. I'd probably have an assault charge against me, but I'd have voted by the time the cops arrived. Even after all this ranting, I want to find someone to bitchslap. Home of democracy, land of the free. What a fucking joke.

An exercise in creative motivation

For most of my life, I've had a bit of a pot belly. Nothing too excessive, but still a little bit more than is optimal. It was there when I was a small kid. During high school it disappeared due to a slightly lower food intake and mandatory exercise while at boarding school, and the rest of my body also growing taller and wider, while the gut remained the same and so it no longer stood out. In hindsight, at the end of high school I was the fittest I've ever been.

Then came university. No one telling me what to do with my time, the freedom to do whatever I want including consuming large quantities of junk food and not to exercise. And so over the first year of uni the gut returned, and has hung around for the next 5 years until now.

Recently one of my friends confronted me about this, and has encouraged me to do something about this. So far my efforts have been to go jogging once a week for 15 to 20 minutes. Not much, but it's a start. I'm also trying to eat slightly better, but apart from my departure from the cult of pepsi several months ago and joining the church of OJ, not much has happened.

The main thing that seems to be limiting my exercise seems to be a lack of discipline. Given the choice of browsing wikipedia some more or going jogging, I'll browse wikipedia. There was a character in one of Terry Pratchett's novels who had refined laziness to such a state that he remained fit as by doing so it was much easier for him to move around and do stuff. This sort of attitude I'd like to develop, but I can't seem to make the long term positive effects outweigh the short term negative of having to go jogging.

This afternoon I did go jogging. Normally my friend comes over on a Monday and we go jogging together. He had to work today though, so that didn't happen. It had seemed as though I was all set to skip this week, but then providence gave me a reprieve. I needed some stuff from the shops down the road. And so I jogged to the shops. If all I need to exercise is an ulterior motive, then perhaps I should engineer some more. This may be a case of the ends justifying the means.