A Question of Etiquette

So after a year and a bit of dabbling in using a dating app to meet someone and having limited success (I had one first date in 2025) I'm in a slightly unprecedented situation. In January I went on two first dates, and both were with women I'd wanted to see again. 

The first we met up at a comedy show and had some drinks and dinner afterwards. It was an ok night, and I felt it was worth another to get to now her a bit better. We had been planning a second date when she experienced some health concerns which have sort of put a pause on things (a hospital visit seems a bit much for only having had one date). We'd been texting and I'd sort of thought that she was pulling back to focus on her health, but I got a text message this weekend that suggests otherwise.

Which makes me a bit awkward because after postponing the second date with woman one I had a first date with woman two. The original plan was to meet up Saturday morning for coffee at South Bank, but the coffee shop we picked turned out to be closed on Saturdays, so we strolled around South Bank and ended up getting juices from Boost juice. We chatted for an hour or so before heading our own ways. 

We haven't worked out what we'll being doing but we've tentatively scheduled a second date for next week. I'm looking forward to it, and I think I prefer her to the first woman. We've got a bit more similar interests and a more of a similar stage of life. 

So the questions of etiquette I've been grappling with are things like "when do you stop progressing other potential relationships because of where this one has got to?" and "how open are you about such things?" (the first woman was quite open that I was their second first date of the day when we met up), and so on. I'm really not sure who I can talk to about such things as most people I know in relationships are very much in long term relationships, and I also have such a built in mental image of myself as someone who isn't seeking a relationship that I have a hard time even admitting I'm doing this to other people. Recently someone at work asked who the person who kept coming into the control room to flirt with me was and I pleaded obliviousness despite having considered suggesting something after the project we're working on is completed,

Anyway, these are questions which are kind of difficult to work out a solution from first principles, not least because I don't really know what the first principles are. I've done a bit of online reading, but there's nothing definite. I've seen plenty of examples of what not to do, but that still leaves a lot of possibility space to explore.

 I was hoping typing this out might cause something to pop into my head on the matter, but it hasn't and it's late, so I'll wrap up here and commit this to the randoms of the internet, who I feel better about sharing things with than actual friends, which says a lot about me. 

Depressive

On Tuesday night I went to a friends birthday party. At one point the conversation got round to a topic that got me rather depressed. So rather than being sociable and jovial, for a while I was bitter and moody and lurked on the sidelines. At several points I thought about making some statements which might have expressed a more than a little cynicism and bitterness, but my typical reluctance to speak kept them bottled up, which is probably for the best.

A later conversation on a related topic with someone else, while during the conversation I was very much stiff upper lippish, afterwards left me rather enraged and desiring of some cheap piece of furniture that could be destroyed without repercussions or a loss of something useful.

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Writing time: 15 minutes
Time since last post: half an hourish
Current media: Black Adder Goes Forth - Major Star

Situation Resolved

It turns out the right answer was past tense.

Ah well.

It was a good 4 and a half months.

Casualties of the night: My iPod headphones, ripped into half a dozen pieces and thrown onto someone's hedge, and three Smirnoff Ices.

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Writing time: 1 minute
Time since last post: 1 day
Current media: The Daily Show for June 4th

Tense Situation

There is a situation. I'm not quite sure how to think about said situation.

Past tense has a set of implications I don't really like.

Present tense has a set of assumptions I'm not sure are justifiable.

And so, yet again, I do nothing.

Life would be much easier if I could just know what other people are thinking (in a controlled directed manner, no Earshot bullshit type stuff).

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Writing time: 12 minutes
Time since last post: 2 days
Current media: Cowboy Bebop - The Real Folk Blues Pt 1

The Alligator Which It Waited Into The Tire

The title is something that was on a students t-shirt. It's unrelated to what follows.

Talking seems to be very effective. I need to do it more.

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Writing time: 5 minutes
Time since last post: 30 minutes
Current media: Red Vs Blue Season 1

Reconsideration

I may have overreacted a little last week.

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Writing time: 30 seconds
Time since last post: 2 days
Current media: None

Fuck

Fuck, fuck fuckety fuck.

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Writing time: 10 seconds
Time since last post: who cares
Current media: None

Wow

Wow.

That is all.

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Writing time: 10 seconds
Time since last post: one and a half days
Current media: none

Twosteps forward, one step back

I think I may have messed something up. Not irrevocably, but a step backwards after several steps forward.

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Writing time: 30 seconds
Time since last post: good question
Current media: Unsquare Dance by Dave Brubeck

Serenity

I'm no going to put much details here right now, but recently I've been feeling quite at peace with the universe.

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Writing time: 1 minute
Time since last post: ?
Current media: iPod

The Story of Ami

I've been trying to decide if I was going to put this up on the blog, and have decided to, since some people already know, and it was somewhat of a new experience. Anyway, here's the story.

On Mondays, I usually meet up with two of the teachers I've met here (K and J to protect the not so innocent) and we spend the evening at some bars in Umeda. The Monday before last (the 11th) was the last Monday before payday, so merriment was a bit more free than usual. Indeed, instead of going our separate ways and heading home at midnight on the last train, we decided to go to a bar near J's place and then crash at his place.

So after catching the train to Tsukaguchi, we started walking from the train station to the bar J liked (Mamasita's for the record, a nice place, but does have a cover charge). On the way there was a girl about to get on here scooter. We suggested that she come with us to the bar, and I believe K started wheeling her scooter towards the bar.

The girl's name was Ami, and while at the bar we talked a fair bit (about two hours, although I don't recall enough talking to fill all that time), but didn't really communicate as her English was only a little better than my Japanese. We did get a little touchy-feely (holding hands, or one might say I copped a feel or two) and we swapped phone numbers. J, K and I left the bar a little after Ami did, and a little bit after we got back to J's place I got a call from her.

I didn't call her back for several reasons: an uncertainty on what to do, how to communicate without a common language, my usual poor memory for these things meaning I didn't really remember what she looked like (short, Japanese, female), and the main one, fear of the unknown. I think I left it too long, because when I did call her on the following Monday, under pressure from K and J, the little I got from the phone call was "eigo, ie, bye bye".

Ah well. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, and all that, etc, etc. (Love is overstating, but you get the idea).

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Writing time: 27 minutes (typing, I've been thinking about if I should write it or not and what I would write since the morning after)
Time since last post: a little bit
Current media: still none

Apathy, prevarication and procrastination

As mentioned previously mentioned, I had considered sending in some details to a valentines day match making thingy. Well, while it's not yet Valentine's day, the time frame for doing so has passed. The main reason I didn't was because I left off making a decision until not doing so was the only option left. A few decisions have been made like that.

Sometimes it's because that's the decision I really want to make, I just don't want to close off options too soon. That's not that bad. But sometime it's because I can't make a decision until it's almost or just past crunch time, and those are the ones that aren't so good.

Given that the last two paragraphs have taken an hour, I'll leave it at that.

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writing time: 1 hour
time since last post: 2 days
current media: Scrubs season 1 DVD extras

Rockets go Boom (perhaps)

8am: wake up, have a glass of water, played podcasts downloaded overnight, and get back into bed to listen, go back to sleep.
11am: get up, play some computer games, have a shower. Start messing around with my computer, as I've been having issues with my dvd drive. Part way through get dressed (about 20% of the way in).
2pm: lunch from subway. Watched some episodes of scrubs. Played some of the Undead campaign from Warcraft III.
6pm: watched an episode of The Simpsons, the one where Apu gets married. Some general computer gaming (solitaire, etc). After that some general stargate discussion with one of my housemates prompted by recent progress on my model of the stargate.
8pm: blogging, and some general web browsing.

A podcast I started subscribing to recently is offering a matchmaker thing for Valentines day. I'm considering sending in my details, but I'm not sure. First there's the fact that given the demographic most likely to watch a video podcast, the odds aren't very good in the first place. Although I think my main objection would be that do so would be to admit I do want that sort of thing, something which while I haven't exactly ruled out, I haven't made the whole romance, or even social thing a big priority in my life. It's not that I don't want romance, right now I'm not willing to look for it. If it comes by, I'll see where it goes. If I do send in an email to Rocketboom, I'll put something up here.

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writing time: 1 hour 33 minutes
days since last post: 3 days
current media: Scrubs season 1

A pleasant meeting

The other day I saw Kylie on the bus. We had a little bit of a chat, and then went our separate ways. The unusual thing was I didn't go away afterwards feeling unhappy, bitter or in anyway messed up about the experience. Perhaps its a sign I'm actually moved on.

Speaking of moving on, Danielle doesn't seem to be able to do so. Since I turned her down, she's had two bad relationships, stopped going to uni, moved out of home, had a job, quit a job, moved in with some junkies, moved back into home, got another job, quit another job and so on and so forth. And often when we discuss her current situation the phrase "It's all because you turned me down" comes up. The first bad relationship was a rebound, and the second was a rebound because of the 1st, and so on and so forth.

Now I know the way I handled things back then wasn't the best way to do so, and have since apologized for it. But it annoys me to be blamed for the everything that goes wrong for her. A lot of the stuff since then has been due to either herself or others, and I hardly think it's fair to keep blaming me for it.

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Writing time: 48 minutes

A whole lotta stuff just came out

Apparently the following two things are obligatory in a blog so let's see if it motivates anything

Current mood: Mopey
Current music: Journey of the Sorcerer, Toxic, So Long and Thanks for all the Fish

Once there was a girl. She was a good friend and I thought I wanted to have a more significant relationship with her. Over the course of several months I tried in a haphazard way to court her. This did not work out. With the advantage of extra knowledge gained in the few years since, and a bit of hindsight, part of this is probably because at around that time she got together with someone else, to whom she is now engaged and has moved in with. My inability to express myself probably didn't help either. But for quite some time after she told me it wasn't going to happen, I hurt quite a lot. A few months later I went to a party at which she and her boyfriend also went to. This affected me more than I expected. I ended up not eating for about 3 days, and scared some of my family into thinking I was on drugs or something.

That was about 4 years ago. It's only in the past year or so I've been open again to the prospect of some sort of romance. This was brought about by the realisation that not only was the bitterness I was still bearing making me unhappy and leading me to avoid other relationships that may have been worthwhile, it was also causing me to hurt others who tried to get involved. I still owe one person an apology for the unjustifiably rude way I treated her.

Well, it's amazing what one can do when trying to avoid the unpleasant current. I've been putting off writing about the above stuff for about as long as I've had a blog. I haven't gone into as much detail as I originally intended, but something has been written, so perhaps I can further elaborate later on.

So what exactly is it that makes dealing with past pains easier than trying to deal with it.

One of my housemates is a girl. By virtue of this fact, she probably has the highest time spent together to time known ratio of any woman not a member of my family. A while ago I decided that if something of a romantic nature developed, that would be ok. But it wasn't going to be something actively pursued, but more not provided a hostile environment to. And since then as I've got to know her better, I've learnt that it's not going to happen, and have accepted that.

The night before last (May 9, it's taken a long time to write this all up) a short conversation occurred in which the conclusion I'd already come to were stated explicitly, and it affected me more than I thought. And so I've spent the past 24 hours or so all moody. Plus it caused a really upset stomach, which with me tends only to happen with affairs of the heart. It's odd, it would seem that the physical indicator, my gut reaction if you will, that I like someone is nausea.

Anyway, that seems to be all. More details will perhaps come later, but at least it's got me writing about stuff I've been putting off writing.

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Writing time 18 hours 52 minutes (please note that this time includes sleeping, watching tv, playing games, talking to others and various other uses of time and is not almost 19 hours of straight typing.)