Not from me of course. I'm sure I have many more words to come (the second half of 2009 not withstanding). The last words in question come from a subset of the population of Texas, namely those who were executed by the state.
I initially came across this while browsing through the Popular Items in Google Reader, and curious as to where it came from, followed the link and explored a bit, soon arriving at this page, which gives info on almost three decades of executees.
Going through such a collection may seem a bit grim or morbid, but also an interesting look into the state of mind of these people. The main thing that stands out amongst them all is the acceptance of imminent death. None I've read try and stop the execution, even those proclaiming their innocence. I'm not sure of how long before the execution they are told of the exact day that will be their last, the time on death row nonetheless gives plenty of time to come to terms with the idea. (While writing this I thought of perhaps a cruel way to schedule executions. Once the death sentence is confirmed, and all the appeals and such are done, apply some random chance (about 1 in 100 sounds like the right ball park. 1 in 10 is too low and 1 in 1000 is too high), and each day the prisoner either told "not today" or taken off to be executed. This could perhaps be calculated beforehand to aid in scheduling, so long as the actual day of execution is not communicated to the inmate)
Other themes that come through include remorse and denial, although these never come together. The remorseful seem genuine, and there's not much to be gained by them. The deniers are hard to judge just from the words, but knowing the statistics it seems likely that there were some innocent men in there.
I'm still not sure what exactly to make of the site. I'm pretty sure it's been put online purely as part of making public records more available, but such documents have more meaning than just that they exist. Capitol punishment is mostly something that happens in the distance, as an abstract thing. Few people see it as it happens, and fewer still would be there in circumstances of their choosing. So the chance to see that the people executed are real and to read their words brings it home that it is flesh and blood humans that are facing their end here, and that is something that should not be lost.
Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
In Ayr
I'm currently sitting around at Mum's place killing time. I renewed my drivers license today, wihtout having to do a test or go through the whole learners bit again, which is a good thing. I'll see if I can get an international one in the few day's I have left in Australia.
Tomorrow we're driving up to Innisfail where my Grandmother lives. Thursday will be the reason for coming back, and it looks like on Friday I'll be meeting wiht my father's family for the first time since the early nineties. That will be tricky. I think that for somethings, if they don't get changed after a while it becomes impossible to change. I know I definitely tend to stick with what has inertia, although when I do change, it does tend to be by big, sudden shifts.
Friday is also my sister's birthday, so for the second year running I'll be around for that.
Saturday I will fly back to Brisbane in the early evening. I'm not sure if anything will happen Saturday night (suggestions are welcome). Then on Sunday I fly back to Korea so that I'm back before my visa expires. And on Monday I'll probably have to go into work early to finalise my visa extension.
Tomorrow we're driving up to Innisfail where my Grandmother lives. Thursday will be the reason for coming back, and it looks like on Friday I'll be meeting wiht my father's family for the first time since the early nineties. That will be tricky. I think that for somethings, if they don't get changed after a while it becomes impossible to change. I know I definitely tend to stick with what has inertia, although when I do change, it does tend to be by big, sudden shifts.
Friday is also my sister's birthday, so for the second year running I'll be around for that.
Saturday I will fly back to Brisbane in the early evening. I'm not sure if anything will happen Saturday night (suggestions are welcome). Then on Sunday I fly back to Korea so that I'm back before my visa expires. And on Monday I'll probably have to go into work early to finalise my visa extension.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Seeing Red
The last time I saw my grandfather was in 1994, the first year I was in high school. My family had been doing something in the area where my father's side of my family lived, and the idea popped into someone's head to drop in and say high. It was a bit before milking time so we pulled the car up near the dairy. When I got out of the car he didn't immediately recognize me because that was the year I started wearing glasses, and he had never seen me with them. But the lack of recognition didn't last long, nor did the conversation. I think it was just mostly Hi, how are you, what are you up to and other things along those lines. It was a brief conversation, and then we got back into the car and continued driving home.
This is perhaps slightly better than the last time I saw my father, which was when I was working on the ticket gates at the Cairns show in 1998. A man walked past me and it took me a few seconds for the mental gears to click over and realize it was my dad. I don't know if he even noticed me.
There's a chance the story of the last time I saw my father might change in time. It's a slight chance, but it's there. However, the story of the last time I saw my grandfather is now set in stone. Last Friday he died. Apparently he'd been having blackouts for a while, and when he felt one coming on he'd lie down and let it happen. On Friday though, he blacked out and didn't wake up.
I've thought about calling my grandmother or my father to express my condolences, but that would be awkward enough without the added difficulty of explaining who the hell it is calling them from Korea. I'm not going to fly back for the funeral (odd thought that followed on from that one. There are probably only five people whose funeral I would fly back for.). If I was in Australia, I probably would have gone, but I'd have lurked at the back and not made myself known unless someone recognized me.
I generally treat my father's side of my family on an "Out of sight, out of mind" basis. It's been so long since I've had anything to do with them that most of the time they're off my radar. It's only times like these that they register on my consciousness.
At this point though, I don't really have much more to say so I'll finish with this:
Rest in Peace Granddad Red.
End Post
Writing time: 47 minutes
Time since last post: an hour or so
Current media: The Middleman
This is perhaps slightly better than the last time I saw my father, which was when I was working on the ticket gates at the Cairns show in 1998. A man walked past me and it took me a few seconds for the mental gears to click over and realize it was my dad. I don't know if he even noticed me.
There's a chance the story of the last time I saw my father might change in time. It's a slight chance, but it's there. However, the story of the last time I saw my grandfather is now set in stone. Last Friday he died. Apparently he'd been having blackouts for a while, and when he felt one coming on he'd lie down and let it happen. On Friday though, he blacked out and didn't wake up.
I've thought about calling my grandmother or my father to express my condolences, but that would be awkward enough without the added difficulty of explaining who the hell it is calling them from Korea. I'm not going to fly back for the funeral (odd thought that followed on from that one. There are probably only five people whose funeral I would fly back for.). If I was in Australia, I probably would have gone, but I'd have lurked at the back and not made myself known unless someone recognized me.
I generally treat my father's side of my family on an "Out of sight, out of mind" basis. It's been so long since I've had anything to do with them that most of the time they're off my radar. It's only times like these that they register on my consciousness.
At this point though, I don't really have much more to say so I'll finish with this:
Rest in Peace Granddad Red.
End Post
Writing time: 47 minutes
Time since last post: an hour or so
Current media: The Middleman
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Overkill
Heath Ledger is dead. I'm sure everyone has heard this news.
This is an unfortunate event.
It is not important enough that more than half (32 out of 63) of the news articles in my RSS feeds are about it (news.com.au is mostly to blame).
The death is news. Kevin Rudd's reaction to the death is not news. Mel Gibson's reaction to the death is not news. How his family is grieving is not news. You get the idea.
Something happening to a celebrity is not automatically news.
Journalists please take note of that. I don't want to hear about Britney's latest fuck up or the new hairdo Jennifer Aniston got after breaking up with Brad Pitt (I know that's old but I don't pay attention to this shit). It's not news. Celebrities doing token charity work is not news. Ordinary people dedicating themselves to charity work is news.
Anyway, apologies to Heath Ledger for using his untimely death as an opportunity to rant about the news industries obsession with celebrity.
End Post
Writing time: 10 minutes
Time since last post: 4 days
Current media: None
This is an unfortunate event.
It is not important enough that more than half (32 out of 63) of the news articles in my RSS feeds are about it (news.com.au is mostly to blame).
The death is news. Kevin Rudd's reaction to the death is not news. Mel Gibson's reaction to the death is not news. How his family is grieving is not news. You get the idea.
Something happening to a celebrity is not automatically news.
Journalists please take note of that. I don't want to hear about Britney's latest fuck up or the new hairdo Jennifer Aniston got after breaking up with Brad Pitt (I know that's old but I don't pay attention to this shit). It's not news. Celebrities doing token charity work is not news. Ordinary people dedicating themselves to charity work is news.
Anyway, apologies to Heath Ledger for using his untimely death as an opportunity to rant about the news industries obsession with celebrity.
End Post
Writing time: 10 minutes
Time since last post: 4 days
Current media: None
Saturday, August 12, 2006
A Coffin Too Small
I got back from Rocky on Friday. I got a plane back. The plane I caught was not a jet plane, but propeller based. A bit smaller than the jet I got up there, but the flight time was the same and everything else was pretty much the same.
The funeral for Mal's mother was more religious than Mal's at the beginning of the year. It was led by a minister instead of just some guy from the funeral director. There was a more religious bent to the reflection from the minister.
One thing that got to me was that the coffin seemed to small for her to fit in. I remember thinking something similar at Mal's funeral. Perhaps if I'd been able to go to the viewing of the body (morbid as that seems) I'd be able to see if they actually fit without problem in the box. Admittedly it doesn't really matter to them if they are squashed into the box, but it is a little undignified.
Also, for something due to be cremated, the box seemed quite sturdy and elaborate. If I ever get to the point of specifying such things, I'm to go in the simplest, plainest box possible, cremated and my ashes then sent either into deep space or the sun (I'm not sure which yet. Both have a certain eloquence). I don't know if I'd want some sort of memorial plaque thingy (instead of an actual thing on the earth with my ashes). Graveyards really depress me, and is not a place where I'd want to spend a great deal of time in, even if I was a pile of ashes.
Mal's father handled this funeral a lot better than he did Mal's. He was aware of what was going on and even had a few drinks at the wake. At Mal's funeral he had a fit outside before the event and was taken back to his hospital unconscious before the service started. This was good as it prevented further distress for the family.
End Post
Writing time: 26 minutes
Time since last post: 4 days
Current media: He Died With A Felafel In His Hand (the movie)
The funeral for Mal's mother was more religious than Mal's at the beginning of the year. It was led by a minister instead of just some guy from the funeral director. There was a more religious bent to the reflection from the minister.
One thing that got to me was that the coffin seemed to small for her to fit in. I remember thinking something similar at Mal's funeral. Perhaps if I'd been able to go to the viewing of the body (morbid as that seems) I'd be able to see if they actually fit without problem in the box. Admittedly it doesn't really matter to them if they are squashed into the box, but it is a little undignified.
Also, for something due to be cremated, the box seemed quite sturdy and elaborate. If I ever get to the point of specifying such things, I'm to go in the simplest, plainest box possible, cremated and my ashes then sent either into deep space or the sun (I'm not sure which yet. Both have a certain eloquence). I don't know if I'd want some sort of memorial plaque thingy (instead of an actual thing on the earth with my ashes). Graveyards really depress me, and is not a place where I'd want to spend a great deal of time in, even if I was a pile of ashes.
Mal's father handled this funeral a lot better than he did Mal's. He was aware of what was going on and even had a few drinks at the wake. At Mal's funeral he had a fit outside before the event and was taken back to his hospital unconscious before the service started. This was good as it prevented further distress for the family.
End Post
Writing time: 26 minutes
Time since last post: 4 days
Current media: He Died With A Felafel In His Hand (the movie)
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Rubbish In Rubbish Out
Note: This is based on stuff I wrote during job search training today. I'm sure I've previously mentioned how unproductive such activities are. I'll note in the text chronological shifts
What is the point of this? After 1 day of job search training I am less motivated and more morose than I have been for some time. I've been through this process before. I know all the stuff they're spouting. I also know the biggest thing hold me back right now is the lack of references, which they can't really help me with.
The moroseness is worrying. I think two weeks of this will not leave me in a good frame of mind.
I'm not sure if part of this is due to the death of my mothers mother-in-law (step grandmother) (almost in law, but close enough). She's been on a steady decline for the past year or so. She's had a few strokes and slipped into a few comas over the last few months, so while the passing was not wanted, it was really just a matter of time.
A few weeks ago I visited her with Mum and she was stuck in her bed unable to get out or even sit up. She was also unable to speak in complete sentences while I was there.
(abrupt change in flow due to taking a break)
It's definitely the job search training. While popping over to Coles to get a drink I was much more cheerful while walking around. Now I'm back in the training and the depression is seeping in again.
While at Coles I saw an old lady with a shopping bag with a ration card printed on it. I thought it was worth mentioning.
Anyway, back to the previous topic.
Seeing someone be unable to move or communicate is really one of the sorrowful states of being. I do not want to end up in that condition. Hopefully by the time it's a serious risk for me brain implants will be around so I could still use a computer to communicate
(that ends the stuff written at job search training, now in real time)
Hopefully I will survive job search training.
End Post
Writing time: 46 minutes
Time since last post: 7 days
Current media: Not much
Another Note: I do realize that Garbage In, Garbage Out is the usual phrasing for the concept referred to in the post title, but the job search trainer used it, so it reflects the overall futility of the job search training program.
What is the point of this? After 1 day of job search training I am less motivated and more morose than I have been for some time. I've been through this process before. I know all the stuff they're spouting. I also know the biggest thing hold me back right now is the lack of references, which they can't really help me with.
The moroseness is worrying. I think two weeks of this will not leave me in a good frame of mind.
I'm not sure if part of this is due to the death of my mothers mother-in-law (step grandmother) (almost in law, but close enough). She's been on a steady decline for the past year or so. She's had a few strokes and slipped into a few comas over the last few months, so while the passing was not wanted, it was really just a matter of time.
A few weeks ago I visited her with Mum and she was stuck in her bed unable to get out or even sit up. She was also unable to speak in complete sentences while I was there.
(abrupt change in flow due to taking a break)
It's definitely the job search training. While popping over to Coles to get a drink I was much more cheerful while walking around. Now I'm back in the training and the depression is seeping in again.
While at Coles I saw an old lady with a shopping bag with a ration card printed on it. I thought it was worth mentioning.
Anyway, back to the previous topic.
Seeing someone be unable to move or communicate is really one of the sorrowful states of being. I do not want to end up in that condition. Hopefully by the time it's a serious risk for me brain implants will be around so I could still use a computer to communicate
(that ends the stuff written at job search training, now in real time)
Hopefully I will survive job search training.
End Post
Writing time: 46 minutes
Time since last post: 7 days
Current media: Not much
Another Note: I do realize that Garbage In, Garbage Out is the usual phrasing for the concept referred to in the post title, but the job search trainer used it, so it reflects the overall futility of the job search training program.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
A Trip to Rocky
On Tuesday the internment of Mal's ashes took place. Mum and his family have taken some time deciding what should be done with the ashes. Just a few close friends and some family attended. I was mainly there just to give Mum support. I also did manage to paraphrase a quote from a volume of The Sandman. I'm sure Neil Gaiman got it from somewhere else, but that's where I got the bit I said. Things weren't made easier by the fact that Mal's mother had a few strokes the night before.
Monday was spent traveling up to Rocky in Mum's newish car. I did a stint of driving that day. I did pretty much all the driving on Tuesday, and a little on Wednesday (to the train station) before catching a train back to Brisbane.
Anyway, it wasn't really a fun trip, but it was good to see there are a lot of people giving Mum support.
End Post
Writing time: 30 minutes
Time since last post: 15 days
Current media: Scrubs
Monday was spent traveling up to Rocky in Mum's newish car. I did a stint of driving that day. I did pretty much all the driving on Tuesday, and a little on Wednesday (to the train station) before catching a train back to Brisbane.
Anyway, it wasn't really a fun trip, but it was good to see there are a lot of people giving Mum support.
End Post
Writing time: 30 minutes
Time since last post: 15 days
Current media: Scrubs
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
The deeply unfortunate doings of an ill-fated life
Funerals suck. Everyone who is already sad, upset, or otherwise unhappy about the discontinued existence of the person being commemorated gather together and remind each other that a tragedy has happened and that it a terrible thing to have happened, and it all feeds on itself making everyone more upset.
It was the second time after Mal's death I'd cried. There was a bit just after finding out, but after that I'd managed to be able to keep it together. But the actual event itself got to me. It started just going through the memorial garden where they've got parts of lots of other cremated people buried. I don't like graveyards. It's too much concentrated death, which in this type of situation just brings you back to why your there.
I was one of the pall bearers (I think I spelt pall right), along with one of Mal's sons, his two brothers, his brother in law (sisters husband) and an old (long time) friend of his. I was actually surprised at the size of the coffin. It was a lot narrower and shallower than I would have thought he'd have fit in. I wasn't able to get their in time for the viewing the day before the funeral, so I don't know if death made a hug difference in size, or I just am bad at estimating that sort of thing.
I'm considering making an offer to buy his motorbike off Mum, but before I do so I need to work out if I can afford it, not just the buying but the running of it. Also, a friend of his had first option on it if Mal didn't want it anymore, so that will probably have to be considered as well. And of course I need to get a motorcycle license, which will add to the cost (there exist 3 day courses for people with regular car licenses to get a motorcycle license if they can learn quick enough that cost ~$500). If I do, I might take a week of, visit Mum for a few days and then ride back to Brisbane.
A friend gave me a journal type book the other day. The title of this post is taken from the cover. Just looking at it, I've noticed that it's got a copyright notice on it. I guess they're really protective of their cover design, because I don't really think they can get away with copyrighting a bunch of blank pages with lines on them. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to put in there yet, but it will be something more profound than shopping lists and the like.
Have I mentioned that tax sucks. Not so much in and of itself, but in how it applies to work and motivation. At the moment, in a usual week I pay a certain amount of tax. If I do some overtime, or the rosters work out that a given pay week has more than the usual number of hours in it, I go over a certain point and get taxed at a higher rate. It's not as motivating when thinking about doing more when you realize that although you're being paid a certain amount per hour, for the extra hours you only see about half of that. I know it all balances out in the end, but still it frustrates at times.
End Post
writing time: 25 minutes
It was the second time after Mal's death I'd cried. There was a bit just after finding out, but after that I'd managed to be able to keep it together. But the actual event itself got to me. It started just going through the memorial garden where they've got parts of lots of other cremated people buried. I don't like graveyards. It's too much concentrated death, which in this type of situation just brings you back to why your there.
I was one of the pall bearers (I think I spelt pall right), along with one of Mal's sons, his two brothers, his brother in law (sisters husband) and an old (long time) friend of his. I was actually surprised at the size of the coffin. It was a lot narrower and shallower than I would have thought he'd have fit in. I wasn't able to get their in time for the viewing the day before the funeral, so I don't know if death made a hug difference in size, or I just am bad at estimating that sort of thing.
I'm considering making an offer to buy his motorbike off Mum, but before I do so I need to work out if I can afford it, not just the buying but the running of it. Also, a friend of his had first option on it if Mal didn't want it anymore, so that will probably have to be considered as well. And of course I need to get a motorcycle license, which will add to the cost (there exist 3 day courses for people with regular car licenses to get a motorcycle license if they can learn quick enough that cost ~$500). If I do, I might take a week of, visit Mum for a few days and then ride back to Brisbane.
A friend gave me a journal type book the other day. The title of this post is taken from the cover. Just looking at it, I've noticed that it's got a copyright notice on it. I guess they're really protective of their cover design, because I don't really think they can get away with copyrighting a bunch of blank pages with lines on them. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to put in there yet, but it will be something more profound than shopping lists and the like.
Have I mentioned that tax sucks. Not so much in and of itself, but in how it applies to work and motivation. At the moment, in a usual week I pay a certain amount of tax. If I do some overtime, or the rosters work out that a given pay week has more than the usual number of hours in it, I go over a certain point and get taxed at a higher rate. It's not as motivating when thinking about doing more when you realize that although you're being paid a certain amount per hour, for the extra hours you only see about half of that. I know it all balances out in the end, but still it frustrates at times.
End Post
writing time: 25 minutes
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Death
On new year's eve Mum's fiancee, Mal, died. He was 48. He was fine the day before, then in the morning had some chest pains, and the kaput. It was all very abrupt. Mum's very upset, although I've only spoken to her twice since it happened. They were going to get married in April, and as my grandfather died while I was young, I was going to take the role of the father of the bride (without the whole paying for the whole thing bit).
It's not a good thing. I'm feeling rather mopey. Not all that surprising. Work on Saturday was pretty tough. On Sunday night I went to my uncles place as my sister and aunt had flown in to Brisbane then. That was a bit depressing, the gathering together of sad people, especially my sister. She has a tendency to take my not showing much emotion externally as me not giving a damn. So far that has happened this time.
My uncle and I are driving up to Rockhampton tomorrow, and will be coming back on Friday, maybe with my aunt as well.
Work for once has not been a bunch of prats. My request for Thursday off got approved within a few hours.
Anyway, in summary, a really good guy is gone, and it really sucks.
End Post
Writing time 1 hour 12 minutes
It's not a good thing. I'm feeling rather mopey. Not all that surprising. Work on Saturday was pretty tough. On Sunday night I went to my uncles place as my sister and aunt had flown in to Brisbane then. That was a bit depressing, the gathering together of sad people, especially my sister. She has a tendency to take my not showing much emotion externally as me not giving a damn. So far that has happened this time.
My uncle and I are driving up to Rockhampton tomorrow, and will be coming back on Friday, maybe with my aunt as well.
Work for once has not been a bunch of prats. My request for Thursday off got approved within a few hours.
Anyway, in summary, a really good guy is gone, and it really sucks.
End Post
Writing time 1 hour 12 minutes
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