Sunday, July 10, 2005

The Invitation

I got an invitation the other day to an engagement party. The invitation was from Kylie, someone I once thought I cared a lot about. However things were not seen the same way by both parties, and so I got to experience heartbreak for the first time. Since then I've tried to move on. A few months after things didn't work out I went to a party which she attended with her boyfriend. I did not handle it well, and ended up not talking for about a week. I scared my grandmother into thinking I might be on drugs or something. A month or so after that while catching a train, I came to the realization I could keep being unhappy about it, or just say fuck it, and get on with my life. I've generally tried to do so since then, but every now and then, something happens that makes me feel morose again. Like being invited to the housewarming party when she moved in with the other guy. And now being invited to the engagement party.

At least this time I responded to the invitation. When I got the invitation to the hosewarming party I just said fuck to myself and ignored it.

The fallout from my first attempt at romance is still sort of hanging around. While we used to be good friends I haven't spoken to her more than once or twice in the past two years. I've avoided romance for most of the time since then, thoroughly rebuking those who have made advances toward me. And though I've sorted of started to change my position on the matter, to the point that if someone were to make some sort of advance, I wouldn't reject it outright but go with it. But I'm still not actively looking.

I don't think I'm going to go to the engagement party. While I'd like to be able to say I wish them all the best, a long and happy life and all that and actually mean it, I can't. Or at least not in a specifc them sense. In an abstract, they're people and so as people deserve the best they can get out of life, sure. But not in the specifc them sense.

And so I sit here, typing but not entirely happy with the way things are.

End Post
writing time: 44 minutes

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