The French voted against ratifying the constitution for a more united Europe (wikipedia article). I can't say I agree with them, but it is their own country, so I don't think my opinion really counts for all that much. I have to say that I do think the whole united Europe is something I think should be worked towards. I think the desire to join has hastened improvements in some of the former Warsaw pact nations. I think greater interaction and freer exchanges will help prevent conflict. I think the important lesson to take from the French result is that a lot of the European integration has been happening because the governments want it to, and the people do not necessarily agree with everything that's happening. I'd like to think that most Europeans think that the EU is a good thing, but I can also understand that some may feel that it's being imposed not something that they're asking for. Depending on how other referendums go, I think perhaps the best course of action is to perhaps let things stay the way they are for a bit, before making further changes.
Schapelle Corby was found guilty of importing drugs to Bali. The Australian media has been all over this, not only with a kind of presumption of innocence, but almost taking it to the point of being an axiom. I don't think it's a big enough deal to warrant live coverage of the verdict, or some of the outcry that has arisen among some of the press that the government ask the Indonesian government for a pardon. I think the best way to encourage other countries to establish a proper justice system is to respect those countries who do have a system in place and in let it run it's course. If the trail had of been a farce, or in any way unfair or impartial, sure complain, do something, but if she got a fair trial, as seems to be the case, then respect the result. If an Indonesian got caught smuggling drugs into Australia was tried and found guilty, I think a lot of Australians would be upset if we let them go just because the Indonesian government asked us to, and rightly so. The best was to establish respect for the rule of law is to respect the rule of law when others apply it.
Today is World No Tobacco Day. I'm a bit ambivalent about this one. Sure smoking's bad for you, everyone knows that. But if someone wants to kill themselves slowly, so long as I don't have to smell the stuff, I can't exactly stop them. As Lord Vetinari would say, freedom includes the freedom to accept the consequences. I don't think anyone in western countries can reasonably claim not to be aware of the consequences, so who am I to force them to change their minds.
The other day I had a bit of a browse around the channel nine website. It's quizzes were pathetic, the content insipid, the link that said 'send your friend a cosmo babe' went to a picture of a guy. And if you wanted to watch any of the videos they had, you had to have internet explorer. I suppose I should expect too much when they're aligned so much with Microsoft that the URL is ninemsn.com.au. Bunch of punk bitches the lot of them.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Lots of talking recently
We'll start with a bit of followup from a previous post. There was a bit where I said I'd be applying for three jobs a day. Well I haven't. Although I had kind of meant that this was only until someone actually decided to employ me. Anyway, I'm now going to revise that. From now on I will apply for three jobs a week, and these will be jobs that I actually want to do and think I would enjoy doing, not just things that I can do and will pay the bills.
So I'm back at GE again, working in the inbound call center. Today was busy to the extreme. We recieved approximately 5000 calls today. I personally took a little over 125 calls in 10 hours, which amounts to 2.5% of all the calls. That's a fuck load of talking. I can say with very little fear of being contradicted, I have never done as much talking in one day. By the end of the day I was having a hard time talking. On the plus side, it does mean I don't have to put up with much bullshit from centerlink and it's associates anymore, just hand in a form every two weeks saying I don't need any money. I'm already 3 days late with the last one, but since they're not going ot give me any money, I don't see why they would have a problem with it being late.
A friend came over last night, feeling upset about some of the stuff that's happening with his PhD. For the past few months, he's been doing stuff that duplicates some research that's already been done, and he's been telling his supervisor that he's really concerned that this isn't the most useful of things to be doing, and the supervisor hasn't been paying any attention to his concerns. We had a few drinks. Well I had a few drinks. He had a lot of drinks. One of the things we talked about was the stuff about my housemate.
Talking about seemed to help. Now it's not entirely bottled up. I've been thinking about talking about my thoughts on the matter (I'm a bit wary of using the term feelings, mainly because I'm not used to the idea of me having them) with her, but I don't know how to bring up the topic, or even how to discuss it once it's brought up. A semi-prepared monologue only really works in plays and films, and while observation from film and tv may provide some insight, I know enough to know things don't really work that way. A dialogue also doesn't look like it would work well as the topic doesn't really lend itself to much contribution from the other side. And I'm in no way fucked up enough to consider a written statement, although I have been occasionally leaving my browser open to this blog while I'm absent and my computer is left on, so perhaps I'm trying to do so in a roundabout way.
Still no progress on The Thousandth Son. I'm going to email part one to myself at work, and have a burl at it while I'm at work. At the moment I'm only actually doing work about two thirds of the time I'm there, the other third simply being spent being ready to work when a call comes in. I'll aim to have part two up by the 3rd.
In all of this I've failed to mention a greater than normal family interaction in the past week. My mother came down to Brisbane on Sunday, my sister got back in town a few days before that, and Mum's boyfriend was down for Tuesday and Wednesday. Last Sunday, Mum, Sarah and my uncle came around for dinner and I cooked a roast chicken. All went well. On Monday I saw a movie with my sister (H2G2 for those who know what I mean).. On Tuesday we all went for dinner at the Story Bridge Hotel, which seems to be a favorite haunt of my sisters, but it's just another pub to me. On Friday I had lunch with my sister. Next Friday my sister will be going to the Tripod show I'm going to with a few other people (My female housemate, her boyfriend, the friend who came over drinking last night, his girlfriend, and that's about it). Should be an intersesting night.
I saw on slashdot the other day an article about two english people who decided to stage a light saber duel by filling some flourescent tubes with petrol mixed with soapand setting the inside alight. Given that this mixture behaves much like napalm, doing this and then waving the fragile glass tubes around and hitting each other with them seems to be a spectacularly stupid thing to do, on the Darwin arward level.
Well I have to say I'm quite impressed with what I've written so far, so I think I'll leave it here, add a few links and call it a post.
End Post
So I'm back at GE again, working in the inbound call center. Today was busy to the extreme. We recieved approximately 5000 calls today. I personally took a little over 125 calls in 10 hours, which amounts to 2.5% of all the calls. That's a fuck load of talking. I can say with very little fear of being contradicted, I have never done as much talking in one day. By the end of the day I was having a hard time talking. On the plus side, it does mean I don't have to put up with much bullshit from centerlink and it's associates anymore, just hand in a form every two weeks saying I don't need any money. I'm already 3 days late with the last one, but since they're not going ot give me any money, I don't see why they would have a problem with it being late.
A friend came over last night, feeling upset about some of the stuff that's happening with his PhD. For the past few months, he's been doing stuff that duplicates some research that's already been done, and he's been telling his supervisor that he's really concerned that this isn't the most useful of things to be doing, and the supervisor hasn't been paying any attention to his concerns. We had a few drinks. Well I had a few drinks. He had a lot of drinks. One of the things we talked about was the stuff about my housemate.
Talking about seemed to help. Now it's not entirely bottled up. I've been thinking about talking about my thoughts on the matter (I'm a bit wary of using the term feelings, mainly because I'm not used to the idea of me having them) with her, but I don't know how to bring up the topic, or even how to discuss it once it's brought up. A semi-prepared monologue only really works in plays and films, and while observation from film and tv may provide some insight, I know enough to know things don't really work that way. A dialogue also doesn't look like it would work well as the topic doesn't really lend itself to much contribution from the other side. And I'm in no way fucked up enough to consider a written statement, although I have been occasionally leaving my browser open to this blog while I'm absent and my computer is left on, so perhaps I'm trying to do so in a roundabout way.
Still no progress on The Thousandth Son. I'm going to email part one to myself at work, and have a burl at it while I'm at work. At the moment I'm only actually doing work about two thirds of the time I'm there, the other third simply being spent being ready to work when a call comes in. I'll aim to have part two up by the 3rd.
In all of this I've failed to mention a greater than normal family interaction in the past week. My mother came down to Brisbane on Sunday, my sister got back in town a few days before that, and Mum's boyfriend was down for Tuesday and Wednesday. Last Sunday, Mum, Sarah and my uncle came around for dinner and I cooked a roast chicken. All went well. On Monday I saw a movie with my sister (H2G2 for those who know what I mean).. On Tuesday we all went for dinner at the Story Bridge Hotel, which seems to be a favorite haunt of my sisters, but it's just another pub to me. On Friday I had lunch with my sister. Next Friday my sister will be going to the Tripod show I'm going to with a few other people (My female housemate, her boyfriend, the friend who came over drinking last night, his girlfriend, and that's about it). Should be an intersesting night.
I saw on slashdot the other day an article about two english people who decided to stage a light saber duel by filling some flourescent tubes with petrol mixed with soapand setting the inside alight. Given that this mixture behaves much like napalm, doing this and then waving the fragile glass tubes around and hitting each other with them seems to be a spectacularly stupid thing to do, on the Darwin arward level.
Well I have to say I'm quite impressed with what I've written so far, so I think I'll leave it here, add a few links and call it a post.
End Post
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Small snippets make up a whole
My knee hurts. It's been doing this for a while now. I'm starting to think I should see a doctor about it. Although last time I had some sort of long term medical type problem that after a while I saw a doctor about turned out to be nowhere near as dangerous as I was worried. Heart pains in someone only 24 is scary, once you actually acknowledge that there is a problem.
I tried to write some more of The Thousandth Son earlier today offline, but didn't get far. The second part is going to focus on the anti-monarchy argument. I got as far as the first line, but got no further. I'll have another go tomorrow.
Still looking for work. During the next week, I'm going to up the number of jobs I apply for. A minimum of three a day (each and every day, no averaging bullshit) is what I'm going to try and do, with one of those being something I'd like to do as opposed to something I can do. I will report back on my progress, although I think a few late night application rushes may occur.
Last night some friends came over for a lan session. We played some Diablo 2 and Quake 3. It was reasonably enjoyable. Quake 3 was a lot more fun than I was expecting.
I'm not sure these shallow posts with just a few sentences on a lot of things is good or not-so-good. At least I'm writing stuff, but as a means of expressing true feelings, I think the longer posts contain more. Although it seems I don't go into much detail with them either.
Significant Random Fact: It took me almost a week to work up the courage to ask Kylie out. It was the first time I'd asked any girl out. Her answer was "I'll think about it".
Another fact: the previous fact is the first time on this blog I've included Kylie's name, and not just made oblique references to her existence.
Yet another fact: I gave Danielle the same answer a few years later when she first asked me out. My later response was not as positive though (waiting until after the last session of the particular movie was in hindsight not the best way of doing things).
It does seem that the continued writing of things is making further writing easier. Hopefully the next post will be even more interesting.
End Post
Writing time: 26 minutes
I tried to write some more of The Thousandth Son earlier today offline, but didn't get far. The second part is going to focus on the anti-monarchy argument. I got as far as the first line, but got no further. I'll have another go tomorrow.
Still looking for work. During the next week, I'm going to up the number of jobs I apply for. A minimum of three a day (each and every day, no averaging bullshit) is what I'm going to try and do, with one of those being something I'd like to do as opposed to something I can do. I will report back on my progress, although I think a few late night application rushes may occur.
Last night some friends came over for a lan session. We played some Diablo 2 and Quake 3. It was reasonably enjoyable. Quake 3 was a lot more fun than I was expecting.
I'm not sure these shallow posts with just a few sentences on a lot of things is good or not-so-good. At least I'm writing stuff, but as a means of expressing true feelings, I think the longer posts contain more. Although it seems I don't go into much detail with them either.
Significant Random Fact: It took me almost a week to work up the courage to ask Kylie out. It was the first time I'd asked any girl out. Her answer was "I'll think about it".
Another fact: the previous fact is the first time on this blog I've included Kylie's name, and not just made oblique references to her existence.
Yet another fact: I gave Danielle the same answer a few years later when she first asked me out. My later response was not as positive though (waiting until after the last session of the particular movie was in hindsight not the best way of doing things).
It does seem that the continued writing of things is making further writing easier. Hopefully the next post will be even more interesting.
End Post
Writing time: 26 minutes
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
A whole lotta stuff just came out
Apparently the following two things are obligatory in a blog so let's see if it motivates anything
Current mood: Mopey
Current music: Journey of the Sorcerer, Toxic, So Long and Thanks for all the Fish
Once there was a girl. She was a good friend and I thought I wanted to have a more significant relationship with her. Over the course of several months I tried in a haphazard way to court her. This did not work out. With the advantage of extra knowledge gained in the few years since, and a bit of hindsight, part of this is probably because at around that time she got together with someone else, to whom she is now engaged and has moved in with. My inability to express myself probably didn't help either. But for quite some time after she told me it wasn't going to happen, I hurt quite a lot. A few months later I went to a party at which she and her boyfriend also went to. This affected me more than I expected. I ended up not eating for about 3 days, and scared some of my family into thinking I was on drugs or something.
That was about 4 years ago. It's only in the past year or so I've been open again to the prospect of some sort of romance. This was brought about by the realisation that not only was the bitterness I was still bearing making me unhappy and leading me to avoid other relationships that may have been worthwhile, it was also causing me to hurt others who tried to get involved. I still owe one person an apology for the unjustifiably rude way I treated her.
Well, it's amazing what one can do when trying to avoid the unpleasant current. I've been putting off writing about the above stuff for about as long as I've had a blog. I haven't gone into as much detail as I originally intended, but something has been written, so perhaps I can further elaborate later on.
So what exactly is it that makes dealing with past pains easier than trying to deal with it.
One of my housemates is a girl. By virtue of this fact, she probably has the highest time spent together to time known ratio of any woman not a member of my family. A while ago I decided that if something of a romantic nature developed, that would be ok. But it wasn't going to be something actively pursued, but more not provided a hostile environment to. And since then as I've got to know her better, I've learnt that it's not going to happen, and have accepted that.
The night before last (May 9, it's taken a long time to write this all up) a short conversation occurred in which the conclusion I'd already come to were stated explicitly, and it affected me more than I thought. And so I've spent the past 24 hours or so all moody. Plus it caused a really upset stomach, which with me tends only to happen with affairs of the heart. It's odd, it would seem that the physical indicator, my gut reaction if you will, that I like someone is nausea.
Anyway, that seems to be all. More details will perhaps come later, but at least it's got me writing about stuff I've been putting off writing.
End Post
Writing time 18 hours 52 minutes (please note that this time includes sleeping, watching tv, playing games, talking to others and various other uses of time and is not almost 19 hours of straight typing.)
Current mood: Mopey
Current music: Journey of the Sorcerer, Toxic, So Long and Thanks for all the Fish
Once there was a girl. She was a good friend and I thought I wanted to have a more significant relationship with her. Over the course of several months I tried in a haphazard way to court her. This did not work out. With the advantage of extra knowledge gained in the few years since, and a bit of hindsight, part of this is probably because at around that time she got together with someone else, to whom she is now engaged and has moved in with. My inability to express myself probably didn't help either. But for quite some time after she told me it wasn't going to happen, I hurt quite a lot. A few months later I went to a party at which she and her boyfriend also went to. This affected me more than I expected. I ended up not eating for about 3 days, and scared some of my family into thinking I was on drugs or something.
That was about 4 years ago. It's only in the past year or so I've been open again to the prospect of some sort of romance. This was brought about by the realisation that not only was the bitterness I was still bearing making me unhappy and leading me to avoid other relationships that may have been worthwhile, it was also causing me to hurt others who tried to get involved. I still owe one person an apology for the unjustifiably rude way I treated her.
Well, it's amazing what one can do when trying to avoid the unpleasant current. I've been putting off writing about the above stuff for about as long as I've had a blog. I haven't gone into as much detail as I originally intended, but something has been written, so perhaps I can further elaborate later on.
So what exactly is it that makes dealing with past pains easier than trying to deal with it.
One of my housemates is a girl. By virtue of this fact, she probably has the highest time spent together to time known ratio of any woman not a member of my family. A while ago I decided that if something of a romantic nature developed, that would be ok. But it wasn't going to be something actively pursued, but more not provided a hostile environment to. And since then as I've got to know her better, I've learnt that it's not going to happen, and have accepted that.
The night before last (May 9, it's taken a long time to write this all up) a short conversation occurred in which the conclusion I'd already come to were stated explicitly, and it affected me more than I thought. And so I've spent the past 24 hours or so all moody. Plus it caused a really upset stomach, which with me tends only to happen with affairs of the heart. It's odd, it would seem that the physical indicator, my gut reaction if you will, that I like someone is nausea.
Anyway, that seems to be all. More details will perhaps come later, but at least it's got me writing about stuff I've been putting off writing.
End Post
Writing time 18 hours 52 minutes (please note that this time includes sleeping, watching tv, playing games, talking to others and various other uses of time and is not almost 19 hours of straight typing.)
Saturday, May 07, 2005
The Thousandth Son: Part the First
As per a previous post, here is some fiction. We'll see if I eventually get some sort of conclusion. And be warned, I suck at making up names.
The Thousandth Son
Zero
Brilthang the Gruesome and his band of warriors stormed into the throne room of Frimbar, the evil tyrant of the land. Despite the chaos of the uprising outside, Frimbar's bodyguards stood ready, but were unable to stop the warriors. Brilthang himself charged straight at Frimbar, and though the two dueled for some time, Brilthang was ultimately victorious. As his comrades finished off the surviving bodyguards he sat down on the throne of Frimbar. As the warriors knelt in front of him, he proclaimed: "From this throne shall I and my sons for a thousand generations rule this realm."
One Thousand and One
Crown prince Sintius stood on the balcony of his suite in Brilthang Castle wearing the traditional purple robes of mourning. A week had passed since the death of his father, King Amlas the 53rd, and now the prime minister of the Extended Kingdoms of Antarius and the Outlying Systems came bearing troublesome news.
"What do you mean, there is opposition to my coronation? I am the sole heir, and my father died of old age. Where exactly is the problem?" Sintius asked. "It's your generation, sire", replied the prime minister. "I don't need to tell you the story of Brilthang the Founder. 'From this throne shall I and my sons for a thousand generations rule this realm.' The genealogy of your family is quite well documented, and your father was of the thousandth generation."
"And there are those who would use the founding of our kingdom to destroy it forever more?"
"Well not destroy it as such, sire. But for almost as long as the kingdom has existed, there have been those who felt the monarchy was no longer needed. A group of them is making a fuss of things now because they think they can use the Brilthang's words to their advantage. And unfortunately, it seems that they are finding the people receptive to their ideas. This is a very awkward situation that isn't going to go away. We have to sort it out, or larger problems will emerge."
The prince considered this for a few moments. "Very well. Bring the leader of this group to me. Let us see what he has to say for himself." he commanded.
To be continued...
The Thousandth Son
Zero
Brilthang the Gruesome and his band of warriors stormed into the throne room of Frimbar, the evil tyrant of the land. Despite the chaos of the uprising outside, Frimbar's bodyguards stood ready, but were unable to stop the warriors. Brilthang himself charged straight at Frimbar, and though the two dueled for some time, Brilthang was ultimately victorious. As his comrades finished off the surviving bodyguards he sat down on the throne of Frimbar. As the warriors knelt in front of him, he proclaimed: "From this throne shall I and my sons for a thousand generations rule this realm."
One Thousand and One
Crown prince Sintius stood on the balcony of his suite in Brilthang Castle wearing the traditional purple robes of mourning. A week had passed since the death of his father, King Amlas the 53rd, and now the prime minister of the Extended Kingdoms of Antarius and the Outlying Systems came bearing troublesome news.
"What do you mean, there is opposition to my coronation? I am the sole heir, and my father died of old age. Where exactly is the problem?" Sintius asked. "It's your generation, sire", replied the prime minister. "I don't need to tell you the story of Brilthang the Founder. 'From this throne shall I and my sons for a thousand generations rule this realm.' The genealogy of your family is quite well documented, and your father was of the thousandth generation."
"And there are those who would use the founding of our kingdom to destroy it forever more?"
"Well not destroy it as such, sire. But for almost as long as the kingdom has existed, there have been those who felt the monarchy was no longer needed. A group of them is making a fuss of things now because they think they can use the Brilthang's words to their advantage. And unfortunately, it seems that they are finding the people receptive to their ideas. This is a very awkward situation that isn't going to go away. We have to sort it out, or larger problems will emerge."
The prince considered this for a few moments. "Very well. Bring the leader of this group to me. Let us see what he has to say for himself." he commanded.
To be continued...
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
The Sorcerers Journey
The other day I learnt the artist and title of the theme music to the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy: The Journey of the Sorcerer by The Eagles. It's a very cool piece of music, with a nice combination of the banjo with more modern elements.
In other music related news, it would appear that there is a Britney Spears song that I do like. No further comment on this at this time
I'm back on centrelink money. It went pretty smoothly. I had to fill out an extra form because one of my housemates is a girl. The form seems to be mostly checking to make sure couples don't pretend to be separate to get extra money from the government.
New episodes of Family Guy have started being shown.
As you might be able to tell, I haven't been out much since I got back to Australia. Part apathy, part can't be bothered (another form of apathy), part can't be damned (yet another form of apathy). I did do a little bit of shopping today. I got fed up with not having enough coathangers, and so decided to buy some more. I also got some new drinking glasses, as the ones I used to have mysteriously disappeared during or soon after our housewarming party. The new ones aren't so large, but there are six of the as opposed to the surviving two of the old ones.
Almost distracted myself with a game of nethack, but resisted temptation.
I've started thinking about writing some fiction. I've had ideas in the past, but never really developed them in the past. Perhaps I should write some up as entries here and then patch them together when something gets finished. Could make for some very confusing reading. In fact I will. The question is do I restart my Buffy/The Phantom crossover story, or my philosophical piece on the merits of the monarchy. Why not both? Look forward to many (well a few) interesting characters.
On blog related notes, it seems Darth Vader has a blog. It's very well written, but it is a slightly different spin on the character.
In other music related news, it would appear that there is a Britney Spears song that I do like. No further comment on this at this time
I'm back on centrelink money. It went pretty smoothly. I had to fill out an extra form because one of my housemates is a girl. The form seems to be mostly checking to make sure couples don't pretend to be separate to get extra money from the government.
New episodes of Family Guy have started being shown.
As you might be able to tell, I haven't been out much since I got back to Australia. Part apathy, part can't be bothered (another form of apathy), part can't be damned (yet another form of apathy). I did do a little bit of shopping today. I got fed up with not having enough coathangers, and so decided to buy some more. I also got some new drinking glasses, as the ones I used to have mysteriously disappeared during or soon after our housewarming party. The new ones aren't so large, but there are six of the as opposed to the surviving two of the old ones.
Almost distracted myself with a game of nethack, but resisted temptation.
I've started thinking about writing some fiction. I've had ideas in the past, but never really developed them in the past. Perhaps I should write some up as entries here and then patch them together when something gets finished. Could make for some very confusing reading. In fact I will. The question is do I restart my Buffy/The Phantom crossover story, or my philosophical piece on the merits of the monarchy. Why not both? Look forward to many (well a few) interesting characters.
On blog related notes, it seems Darth Vader has a blog. It's very well written, but it is a slightly different spin on the character.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Mass doses of culture
On Thursday I got a bit more culture than I normally do. Not only did I go to a movie, I also went and saw a play.
The movie was Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I was a bit worried that things would not be well with this, as I tend to be very dissappointed by people who try to make books into movies. Be Cool, a movie I saw about a month ago, was a shocking example of this. But the hitchikers movie was good. It was different to the book, but the book was different to the radio show, the tv show, the computer game and the towel, so making changes for the new medium is not something wrong for the guide. However, when the opening titles started I was reassured. The song is brilliant, and works so well. I was a bit dissappointed by Zaphod's two heads and third arm, but overall the movie was good. Magrathea was marvelous. All round a good film
The play was The Taming of the Shrew. I managed to pick up some free tickets so off I went. They set it in 1940's New York rather than italy a few centuries ago. It worked rather well I thought.
End of Post
Writing time: 20 minutes
The movie was Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I was a bit worried that things would not be well with this, as I tend to be very dissappointed by people who try to make books into movies. Be Cool, a movie I saw about a month ago, was a shocking example of this. But the hitchikers movie was good. It was different to the book, but the book was different to the radio show, the tv show, the computer game and the towel, so making changes for the new medium is not something wrong for the guide. However, when the opening titles started I was reassured. The song is brilliant, and works so well. I was a bit dissappointed by Zaphod's two heads and third arm, but overall the movie was good. Magrathea was marvelous. All round a good film
The play was The Taming of the Shrew. I managed to pick up some free tickets so off I went. They set it in 1940's New York rather than italy a few centuries ago. It worked rather well I thought.
End of Post
Writing time: 20 minutes
Monday, April 25, 2005
Stop attrocities because they make me feel bad
I'm currently in Kanchanaburi. For those whose knoledge of geography derives from movies, think the Bridge on the River Kwai. And of course there are museums wiht info on all of this, how many people died, where the railroad went, etc. One thing I did learn was teh the Netherlands were involved in the war in the Pacific, which kind of makes sense when you remember all the stuff about the Dutch East Indies and so forth, but I guess most of the time everyone concentrates on the big 5, England, America, France, Germany and Russia. I suppose the Netherlands also to part in the war in Europe, but I have no idea what it was.
The thing that most affected me though was walking throught the PoW cemetary. In the cemetary are buried nearly 7000 people who died during WWII. I thought I would be able to have a leisurely stroll throught eh cemetary, read the names, look at the monuments etc. But the place got to me. Normally, I'm ok with all things militaristic. I like things that make big bangs, and I know a few ways of making big bangs. But stuff like that brings home that no matter how fast the things fly or how big the bangs, the things should not be used.
Although people die every day, no one should hasten the rate at which it happens. That is the greatest tragedy. Not the ruined buildings, or any other destruction. The taking of so many lives is horrendous, and should not be allowed.
The thing that most affected me though was walking throught the PoW cemetary. In the cemetary are buried nearly 7000 people who died during WWII. I thought I would be able to have a leisurely stroll throught eh cemetary, read the names, look at the monuments etc. But the place got to me. Normally, I'm ok with all things militaristic. I like things that make big bangs, and I know a few ways of making big bangs. But stuff like that brings home that no matter how fast the things fly or how big the bangs, the things should not be used.
Although people die every day, no one should hasten the rate at which it happens. That is the greatest tragedy. Not the ruined buildings, or any other destruction. The taking of so many lives is horrendous, and should not be allowed.
Confessions of a reader
I've recently read an extracted version of the Confessions of St Augustine. One of the reasons I picked it up at the airport was because my high school was named after St Augustine. Since then I've learnt a bit more about the life and writings of St Augustine, and so when I saw it at the airport I was intrigued enough to buy it.
The book was a bit different to what I was expecting. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it was a lot more preachy than I thought it would be. As an autobiography it was ok, but the thing I didn't like was St Augustine's attitude toward God. It's very much "all the worthwhile and good things I've done are all God's doing, and the bad things just examplify the areas I need to become closer to God".
The thing I don't like about this kind of attitude is that it ignores the abilities and the accomplishments of people. In Augustine's case, his transformation from a freewheeling rebelous youth to a respectable holy man. Regardless of what inspired Augustine, he made the decision to change and improved himself, and is worthy of respect for that and his other acts. His worth is his own, not just because in a few small ways he resembles God.
I tend to believe that what a person does is more important than the motivations. Recently deceased Pope John Paul II, a very pious and honorable man, accomplished many great things during his life, and you would have to go a long way to find someone who would say otherwise, even if they, like I do not share his beliefs. He was a good man because of what he did, not why.
As a contrast to the writing of St Augustine, I have also recently read some work of Friedrich Nietzsche's, the rather modestly entitled "Why I am So Wise". A brief essay on how Mr Nietzsche feels he's so much better than the rest of us, especially the Germans. Given that my previous knowledge of Nietzsche come's from a faction in a sci-fi show known as the Nietzschiens, who were a rather self serving bunch of people with a very narrow point of view. Anyway, overall I wasn't that impressed by the writing of Nietzsche, so must only assume that his other work is of slightly more merit than this short work.
The book was a bit different to what I was expecting. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it was a lot more preachy than I thought it would be. As an autobiography it was ok, but the thing I didn't like was St Augustine's attitude toward God. It's very much "all the worthwhile and good things I've done are all God's doing, and the bad things just examplify the areas I need to become closer to God".
The thing I don't like about this kind of attitude is that it ignores the abilities and the accomplishments of people. In Augustine's case, his transformation from a freewheeling rebelous youth to a respectable holy man. Regardless of what inspired Augustine, he made the decision to change and improved himself, and is worthy of respect for that and his other acts. His worth is his own, not just because in a few small ways he resembles God.
I tend to believe that what a person does is more important than the motivations. Recently deceased Pope John Paul II, a very pious and honorable man, accomplished many great things during his life, and you would have to go a long way to find someone who would say otherwise, even if they, like I do not share his beliefs. He was a good man because of what he did, not why.
As a contrast to the writing of St Augustine, I have also recently read some work of Friedrich Nietzsche's, the rather modestly entitled "Why I am So Wise". A brief essay on how Mr Nietzsche feels he's so much better than the rest of us, especially the Germans. Given that my previous knowledge of Nietzsche come's from a faction in a sci-fi show known as the Nietzschiens, who were a rather self serving bunch of people with a very narrow point of view. Anyway, overall I wasn't that impressed by the writing of Nietzsche, so must only assume that his other work is of slightly more merit than this short work.
A few chronological notes
For the past 3 weeks I'v been visiting my sister in Thailand, and generally having a look see about the country. Unfortunately, one consequence of this is limited internet access, and no access to my own computer. As such, not much has been added to this blog. The entries following (above) this one were written by hand (novel concept) and will now be typed up for entry. More on the trip overall after I type these up.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Books of the Black variety
Today I splurged. I was looking for something to read on the plane to Thailand. But I couldn't find anything that I was interested in buying, so I ended up getting the collectors edition of the complete Black Books. Marvelous british comedy. I've spent most of my time since getting home watching the first disc. I think once I finish the disc I'll go back to the start and listen to the commentaries.
DVD commentaries are curious things. I've heard some really good ones, which give a lot of insight into what's going on and let you in on interesting trivia, but some can be really bad, and just seem like a bunch of yobbos going on about the show. I think the quality of a commentary is in inverse proportion to the number of people taking part. All the really good ones I've heard are just one person. The ones with three or four people are really unimpressive.
In the meantime I have to organise something to read on the flight. I think I'll burn a few audio books to listen to instead. That way I have all the fun of reading a book without actually reading. Maybe I can download a few of the Harry Potter novels. And Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. I'll have to make sure I take some batteries with me.
Bored now, ending post
writing time: 19 minutes
DVD commentaries are curious things. I've heard some really good ones, which give a lot of insight into what's going on and let you in on interesting trivia, but some can be really bad, and just seem like a bunch of yobbos going on about the show. I think the quality of a commentary is in inverse proportion to the number of people taking part. All the really good ones I've heard are just one person. The ones with three or four people are really unimpressive.
In the meantime I have to organise something to read on the flight. I think I'll burn a few audio books to listen to instead. That way I have all the fun of reading a book without actually reading. Maybe I can download a few of the Harry Potter novels. And Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. I'll have to make sure I take some batteries with me.
Bored now, ending post
writing time: 19 minutes
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
An end to job search training
At the moment I'm still on the dole. The main reason I haven't stopped handing in the forms is a lack of job security. Going in for 10 minutes twice in a month is less hassle than having to go through the whole new applicant stuff if I don't get my contract renewed at the end of any given month. And it's not like I'm costing the taxpayer much. I think the tax I pay from work would cover 20 minutes of some low grade civil servants pay for a month. And since I started working, I've got maybe a hundred dollars total, from the times when I was on a reduced roster.
But the most annoying part is a thing called job search training. After spending about 2 months on the dole, you have to attend job search training. This is where they say, ok you don't a job, so we're going to pretend that your job is looking for a job. Admittedly they do make concessions if you've got some work, and I've milked that for most of what it's worth. But tomorrow I have my completion interview, and I haven't done all the things I've meant to have done. The main thing I haven't done is the direct sucking up type of job searching, where you just call up people out of the blue and say "I'm so and so, this is what I can do, do you have any positions available that may be suited to my skills". Quite frankly, if I'm busy working I don't really want to have to do this. I'm going to try and wrangle out of some of it on a technicality, that it only says list x many companies that you will hassle, so that's a partial escape. And I think the person I have the interview with is somewhat sympathetic, and I have done most of the other less time consuming parts.
Well, all things must come to an end, and I hope the fact that I've been working at a regular job since I began the job search training, and still am is enough to get me over the line. And if not I may still have a get out of jail card. This Sunday I leave the country for three weeks to visit my sister. And the government won't give me money while I'm overseas, and are too stupid to just pause my payments. No, I have to go off newstart, and make a new application when I get back in the country. So perhaps I should just go off the payments now, and save myself the hassle.
Ah well, I'm going to stop typing now, and apply for another two jobs.
End Post
writing time: 32 minutes
But the most annoying part is a thing called job search training. After spending about 2 months on the dole, you have to attend job search training. This is where they say, ok you don't a job, so we're going to pretend that your job is looking for a job. Admittedly they do make concessions if you've got some work, and I've milked that for most of what it's worth. But tomorrow I have my completion interview, and I haven't done all the things I've meant to have done. The main thing I haven't done is the direct sucking up type of job searching, where you just call up people out of the blue and say "I'm so and so, this is what I can do, do you have any positions available that may be suited to my skills". Quite frankly, if I'm busy working I don't really want to have to do this. I'm going to try and wrangle out of some of it on a technicality, that it only says list x many companies that you will hassle, so that's a partial escape. And I think the person I have the interview with is somewhat sympathetic, and I have done most of the other less time consuming parts.
Well, all things must come to an end, and I hope the fact that I've been working at a regular job since I began the job search training, and still am is enough to get me over the line. And if not I may still have a get out of jail card. This Sunday I leave the country for three weeks to visit my sister. And the government won't give me money while I'm overseas, and are too stupid to just pause my payments. No, I have to go off newstart, and make a new application when I get back in the country. So perhaps I should just go off the payments now, and save myself the hassle.
Ah well, I'm going to stop typing now, and apply for another two jobs.
End Post
writing time: 32 minutes
Monday, March 14, 2005
Back online
Well, after the move and the period of internet deprivation I'm back online. And thank god for that. I'm so far behind on my regular net activities it's not funny. Take this for instance, it's been at least a month since the last time I put anything up on here. And I'm still waiting to find out how Stargate and Atlantis finish. Although not for much longer.
I started a game just before I moved, expecting to not be out of touch long. The games still going, it's on about turn 15 or so, and I've submitted moves for maybe 5 turns. I'm in a really shit position, but am still in the game. Now we'll see how much longer I can last.
I'm still working in a call center. I'm not quite sure. I'm obviously doing something right, as I started out on a 6 week contract 3 weeks before christmas, and I'm still there. But it seems every time the higher ups listen in on my calls, I've made a mistake. I'm still getting told off for not using names and response phrases enough, but I'm still working on it. We'll see if they keep me on after telling them I'm going to be away for three weeks next month.
Now that I'm back online it'll probably be easier for me to finish up the bullshit job search training that I'm going through right now.
I'm not typing anything too fascinating so I'll stop now.
End Post
Writing time: 50 minutes
I started a game just before I moved, expecting to not be out of touch long. The games still going, it's on about turn 15 or so, and I've submitted moves for maybe 5 turns. I'm in a really shit position, but am still in the game. Now we'll see how much longer I can last.
I'm still working in a call center. I'm not quite sure. I'm obviously doing something right, as I started out on a 6 week contract 3 weeks before christmas, and I'm still there. But it seems every time the higher ups listen in on my calls, I've made a mistake. I'm still getting told off for not using names and response phrases enough, but I'm still working on it. We'll see if they keep me on after telling them I'm going to be away for three weeks next month.
Now that I'm back online it'll probably be easier for me to finish up the bullshit job search training that I'm going through right now.
I'm not typing anything too fascinating so I'll stop now.
End Post
Writing time: 50 minutes
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
long time no write
So it's been a while since I've written anything here. Partly this is a lack of any major happenings. Now there are some so I guess I shoudl go over them.
I'm moving house soon. The new place is very close to the university. I'm still not sure about how it's going to turn out. One of the friends I'm moving in with is very unilateral about things. Has to have things his own way, and is very unwilling to compromise. Another is a bit of a neat freak, but it shouldn't be too bad as I tend to keep my mess within the limits of my room.
My job is going to be finished soon. Even though I got my contract extended, I missed out on a permanent position. I guess it just means I get a bit of time to look for a new job while still having something to do and get money from. There's a position I'm really keen on that I'm going to apply for tomorrow. It's a scientific assistant at a high school. The money's good, I can pretty much do everthing they want, plus I can do a whole heap of extra stuff that would be an advantage in the job. Hopefully all goes well.
Moving out of course means having to clean up the current place. I'll have to make an inventory and see just how much of the junk I've acquired I want to keep. I can think of a few things that I've got that I haven't touched since putting them in their current location when I moved in here a year ago. I'll probably have a bit of a wonder around and see if I can get anything for some of it.
End Post
Writing time: 130 minutes
I'm moving house soon. The new place is very close to the university. I'm still not sure about how it's going to turn out. One of the friends I'm moving in with is very unilateral about things. Has to have things his own way, and is very unwilling to compromise. Another is a bit of a neat freak, but it shouldn't be too bad as I tend to keep my mess within the limits of my room.
My job is going to be finished soon. Even though I got my contract extended, I missed out on a permanent position. I guess it just means I get a bit of time to look for a new job while still having something to do and get money from. There's a position I'm really keen on that I'm going to apply for tomorrow. It's a scientific assistant at a high school. The money's good, I can pretty much do everthing they want, plus I can do a whole heap of extra stuff that would be an advantage in the job. Hopefully all goes well.
Moving out of course means having to clean up the current place. I'll have to make an inventory and see just how much of the junk I've acquired I want to keep. I can think of a few things that I've got that I haven't touched since putting them in their current location when I moved in here a year ago. I'll probably have a bit of a wonder around and see if I can get anything for some of it.
End Post
Writing time: 130 minutes
Sunday, January 30, 2005
long time no post
I'm too tired to write anyhting right now. Perhaps tomorrow
End post
Writing time: 1 minute
End post
Writing time: 1 minute
Sunday, January 16, 2005
looking for a new home
I'm currently looking for a new place. A friend of mine wants to move out, so he, my current housemate, and myself are looking for a new place. It's not going well so far. I have my doubts that we will be able to find a place that meets the criteria we all have.
I'm starting to get a little worried that this may start causing problems. We found one place that seems ok, except that one of the rooms is only 7' x 11'. This is too small to fit all my stuff, and for some reason the other two seem to think I'm the one whose going to get the small room.
Tonight I found out that the friend who wants to move out wants to use the fact that he's going to do the yard work as a reason why he shouldn't have to pay for the phone or internet. This perhaps wouldn't be quite so frustrating if it weren't for the fact that he's the one who is absolutely insistent that we have to have a house with a yard as he wants to do yardwork.
All over this is getting quite frustrating. All I want is a room large enough to put all my stuff in, a shower with a decent showerhead, and being within walking distance of regular public transport, preferably a train station.
Time discontinuity here.
I got interrupted writing this by a discussion about whether we'll take the place and who will pay for what. We seem to have reached an agreement. I'll take the small room and pay a lot less rent.
Right now I'm having second thoughts about the deal. Right now I'm feeling bitter and resentful, mainly becuase I don't like it that the other two just assumed I'd be happy with the small room.
Now I'm not sure if I'm happy with this. I've already stopped doing one thing because I wasn't happy doing it. Why should I now go into a situation where I'm going to feel unhappy and bitter towards those I live with?
This is going to be tricky. The others are very keen on the place. And I've already changed my mind on this once.
The question now going through my head is why should I not now try and find someone to take my housemates room, and just stay where I am. I'm happy here, can fit all my stuff in my room, and it would solve a few hassles.
I'm definately not happy with this. Not being happy is a bad thing, and should be avoided. I guess that means we keep looking.
Writing time: 18 hours 7 minutes (a record perhaps? For me definately, the world? Who knows?)
I'm starting to get a little worried that this may start causing problems. We found one place that seems ok, except that one of the rooms is only 7' x 11'. This is too small to fit all my stuff, and for some reason the other two seem to think I'm the one whose going to get the small room.
Tonight I found out that the friend who wants to move out wants to use the fact that he's going to do the yard work as a reason why he shouldn't have to pay for the phone or internet. This perhaps wouldn't be quite so frustrating if it weren't for the fact that he's the one who is absolutely insistent that we have to have a house with a yard as he wants to do yardwork.
All over this is getting quite frustrating. All I want is a room large enough to put all my stuff in, a shower with a decent showerhead, and being within walking distance of regular public transport, preferably a train station.
Time discontinuity here.
I got interrupted writing this by a discussion about whether we'll take the place and who will pay for what. We seem to have reached an agreement. I'll take the small room and pay a lot less rent.
Right now I'm having second thoughts about the deal. Right now I'm feeling bitter and resentful, mainly becuase I don't like it that the other two just assumed I'd be happy with the small room.
Now I'm not sure if I'm happy with this. I've already stopped doing one thing because I wasn't happy doing it. Why should I now go into a situation where I'm going to feel unhappy and bitter towards those I live with?
This is going to be tricky. The others are very keen on the place. And I've already changed my mind on this once.
The question now going through my head is why should I not now try and find someone to take my housemates room, and just stay where I am. I'm happy here, can fit all my stuff in my room, and it would solve a few hassles.
I'm definately not happy with this. Not being happy is a bad thing, and should be avoided. I guess that means we keep looking.
Writing time: 18 hours 7 minutes (a record perhaps? For me definately, the world? Who knows?)
Friday, January 07, 2005
Time for another post
I'm a bit tired. I didn't sleep well last night, as it's been a bit hot recently, and I had an early shift today. A mere 13 hours between shifts isn't all that fun. Ah well, that's the price we pay. The other day they asked for expressions of interest for extended contracts and permanent part time positions, so hopefully the weekend won't be too busy so I can put together a reasonably impressive expression of interest. There are worse ways to pay your bills. Hopefully it goes ok. I may have a bit of trouble, as my first call monitoring didn't go to well. I forgot to do one important thing, which meant I didn't get a good result. I'll just have to wait and see.
I've been playing some diablo II recently, I started up a new assasin. I just killed Duriel for the first time, and contrary to usual form, I didn't die once. I think it was the speed, I was able to run away from him to escape properly.
My supervisors are going to be back in the country soon, so I'm going to have to make a decision about what I'm going to do in a month or two. I don't think I won't to go back. Right now I don't think that if I did go back I'd be any more productive than I was.
I think I've said before that there was a time where my future was all clear and planned, with an obvious sequence of events. I think I'm no longer the same person now as I was then. I'm more bitter, more wary of sentiment and emotion, and all round not as happy. I think I know when the change occured, its in the post that has yet to be finished (The writing time on that ones going to be impressive).
So now what should my plan be? Continue at a simple job, and find pleasure in the other aspects of life? Financially I think I can do it, but the prospect of engaging in a job like that, saying I'm going to do this now, is a bit daunting. Perhaps I can convince myself that it's just a temporary measure. It does pay better than centerlink, and they're much easier to deal with.
The longer term though is something I'm worried about. The thought of just having a job, and that being the main focus of my life is something that doesn't seem appealing. It lacks wow. I can't see myself telling someone this is how I spend most of my time and them being impressed. When you tell someone you're doing a PhD in physics, the response is: wow, you must be smart. But working in a call center, that's nothing special.
A friend of mine recently told me that I seem to be too concerned with what he called the GRAND IDEA. He said that I should be less concerned with my ultimate fate and appreciate the here and now. I think he's right in some ways. I have been trying to find a grand idea, but as I told him, I'm trying to replace something I once had, and longer have. Until it's gone, you don't really appreciate how reassuring it is to have a strong surety of purpose. A knowledge that there is a plan, there is a goal, and a rough idea of the path you're going to take. It made life much easier to take. Now I'm lost in the middle of nowhere, with no path in site, and I have no idea where to go.
Looking at most of what I've just typed, I mainly seem to be highlighting different facets of my problem, but not it's whole. If anyone can work out and concisely state what my problem is, please let me know. Knowing the problem is the first step to finding a solution.
End post
Writing time: 28 minutes
I've been playing some diablo II recently, I started up a new assasin. I just killed Duriel for the first time, and contrary to usual form, I didn't die once. I think it was the speed, I was able to run away from him to escape properly.
My supervisors are going to be back in the country soon, so I'm going to have to make a decision about what I'm going to do in a month or two. I don't think I won't to go back. Right now I don't think that if I did go back I'd be any more productive than I was.
I think I've said before that there was a time where my future was all clear and planned, with an obvious sequence of events. I think I'm no longer the same person now as I was then. I'm more bitter, more wary of sentiment and emotion, and all round not as happy. I think I know when the change occured, its in the post that has yet to be finished (The writing time on that ones going to be impressive).
So now what should my plan be? Continue at a simple job, and find pleasure in the other aspects of life? Financially I think I can do it, but the prospect of engaging in a job like that, saying I'm going to do this now, is a bit daunting. Perhaps I can convince myself that it's just a temporary measure. It does pay better than centerlink, and they're much easier to deal with.
The longer term though is something I'm worried about. The thought of just having a job, and that being the main focus of my life is something that doesn't seem appealing. It lacks wow. I can't see myself telling someone this is how I spend most of my time and them being impressed. When you tell someone you're doing a PhD in physics, the response is: wow, you must be smart. But working in a call center, that's nothing special.
A friend of mine recently told me that I seem to be too concerned with what he called the GRAND IDEA. He said that I should be less concerned with my ultimate fate and appreciate the here and now. I think he's right in some ways. I have been trying to find a grand idea, but as I told him, I'm trying to replace something I once had, and longer have. Until it's gone, you don't really appreciate how reassuring it is to have a strong surety of purpose. A knowledge that there is a plan, there is a goal, and a rough idea of the path you're going to take. It made life much easier to take. Now I'm lost in the middle of nowhere, with no path in site, and I have no idea where to go.
Looking at most of what I've just typed, I mainly seem to be highlighting different facets of my problem, but not it's whole. If anyone can work out and concisely state what my problem is, please let me know. Knowing the problem is the first step to finding a solution.
End post
Writing time: 28 minutes
Friday, December 31, 2004
The Lord of Dreams
Recently I've started reading The Sandman, by Neil Gaiman. This is a very impressive series of comics, much more than what one normally expects from comics. Many have said it, but it is true that it is very much a piece of literature, regardless of its medium.
In the introduction to one of the collections, Neil Gaiman relates how he was asked to describe the series in 25 words or less. He came up with: The Lord of Dreams learns that all things must change or die, and makes his decision. This is somewhat of a universal truth, and most of us choose to change.
For some time now, I've felt that I must change. I lack self discipline. I don't make plans, and sometimes when I do, I don't follow them (it depends on how much of events I control. Plans to see a movie at a certain time tend to happen. Plans to clean my room today tend to fall by the side).
I have no ambition. I have no grand goal of doing anything by anywhen. I have written (or at least thought of writing) before about how I have no purpose in life, no guiding principle. This is another facet of it. My needs are reasonably simple. An ok place to live, running water, a decent internet connection, food, access to public transport, shops close by, and a bit of spare cash after paying for all of this. These are not huge needs, and they suffice. But in a world obsessed with materialism and capitalism, they can seem a bit paltry. But the urge to acquire just because you can is hollow and unappealing. Similar logic applies to religion. Faith appears irrational and unsupportable, and seems inconsistent and the thing worshiped unworthy of our respect. But atheism, or humanism, or rationalism makes the universe a big lonely thing, with nothing to aspire to but self satisfaction.
I don't communicate much. I never have. At first, it was because those around me didn't respect me, but it later became habit. Solitude is a default ground state. And when I do talk to others, it is rarely about important things. Tonights episode of The Simpsons is not a topic to encourage depth of thought. I like to know what I'm talking about, and if I'm not sure how I feel, how can I talk about it. Some of the times, I can't even find the words. Nearly all communication is by words. If I don't have the words to descirbe something, how can I talk to someone about it.
I find it hard to emphasise with others. I find it hard to understand what their thinking, whats going on inside. I find it easy to ignore the plight of others. I find it annoying when people try to force their ideas on me. I don't want to give money to people like greenpeace, learn that god was an alien, or that Jesus is my saviour. If I want to do that, I'll go to the appropriate people. I don't bug them to support my points of view, so leave me to mine. I find it annoying when people don't understand what I'm trying to say or explain. I get frustrated when people don't know things I take for granted.
I don't get enough exercise. This I'm slowly improving with weekly jogs, but there's still a lot of room for improvement. It's been a long time since I really practised my juggling. About a six weeks before christmas I set a goal of losing about 3 kilos by christmas. I weighed myself a few days ago, and not only did I not lose that weight, I actually put on that much. I'd like to reconcile myself with the fact that muscle is denser than fat, but that I think is just deluding myself.
So those are a few of the things about me that need changing. And now I face a choice. And unlike Dream, I don't think I'm quite ready to accept the embrace of Death. So, now I have to find a way to make changes. I need to work out what the changes I'm going to make are. I need to decide to improve things. This, I'm quite sure, is going to be tricky.
Now is the eve of the new year, and I'm sitting here at home, alone, typing this while listening to The Games. I have never celebrated a new years eve. Years of spendng summers going back home, where very little iteresting occurs at said event have ingrained a habit of staying in.
And so, as is the tradition, I shall make a resolution. In the coming year I will change. And not just change as a response to events. I shall seek to improve myself, make myself a better person, a more complete person. Let's see how it goes.
End Post
Writing time: 37 minutes.
In the introduction to one of the collections, Neil Gaiman relates how he was asked to describe the series in 25 words or less. He came up with: The Lord of Dreams learns that all things must change or die, and makes his decision. This is somewhat of a universal truth, and most of us choose to change.
For some time now, I've felt that I must change. I lack self discipline. I don't make plans, and sometimes when I do, I don't follow them (it depends on how much of events I control. Plans to see a movie at a certain time tend to happen. Plans to clean my room today tend to fall by the side).
I have no ambition. I have no grand goal of doing anything by anywhen. I have written (or at least thought of writing) before about how I have no purpose in life, no guiding principle. This is another facet of it. My needs are reasonably simple. An ok place to live, running water, a decent internet connection, food, access to public transport, shops close by, and a bit of spare cash after paying for all of this. These are not huge needs, and they suffice. But in a world obsessed with materialism and capitalism, they can seem a bit paltry. But the urge to acquire just because you can is hollow and unappealing. Similar logic applies to religion. Faith appears irrational and unsupportable, and seems inconsistent and the thing worshiped unworthy of our respect. But atheism, or humanism, or rationalism makes the universe a big lonely thing, with nothing to aspire to but self satisfaction.
I don't communicate much. I never have. At first, it was because those around me didn't respect me, but it later became habit. Solitude is a default ground state. And when I do talk to others, it is rarely about important things. Tonights episode of The Simpsons is not a topic to encourage depth of thought. I like to know what I'm talking about, and if I'm not sure how I feel, how can I talk about it. Some of the times, I can't even find the words. Nearly all communication is by words. If I don't have the words to descirbe something, how can I talk to someone about it.
I find it hard to emphasise with others. I find it hard to understand what their thinking, whats going on inside. I find it easy to ignore the plight of others. I find it annoying when people try to force their ideas on me. I don't want to give money to people like greenpeace, learn that god was an alien, or that Jesus is my saviour. If I want to do that, I'll go to the appropriate people. I don't bug them to support my points of view, so leave me to mine. I find it annoying when people don't understand what I'm trying to say or explain. I get frustrated when people don't know things I take for granted.
I don't get enough exercise. This I'm slowly improving with weekly jogs, but there's still a lot of room for improvement. It's been a long time since I really practised my juggling. About a six weeks before christmas I set a goal of losing about 3 kilos by christmas. I weighed myself a few days ago, and not only did I not lose that weight, I actually put on that much. I'd like to reconcile myself with the fact that muscle is denser than fat, but that I think is just deluding myself.
So those are a few of the things about me that need changing. And now I face a choice. And unlike Dream, I don't think I'm quite ready to accept the embrace of Death. So, now I have to find a way to make changes. I need to work out what the changes I'm going to make are. I need to decide to improve things. This, I'm quite sure, is going to be tricky.
Now is the eve of the new year, and I'm sitting here at home, alone, typing this while listening to The Games. I have never celebrated a new years eve. Years of spendng summers going back home, where very little iteresting occurs at said event have ingrained a habit of staying in.
And so, as is the tradition, I shall make a resolution. In the coming year I will change. And not just change as a response to events. I shall seek to improve myself, make myself a better person, a more complete person. Let's see how it goes.
End Post
Writing time: 37 minutes.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
A new Entry
It's been a while. I've been working at my new job. Up until yesterday, it wasn't too bad. I spent about half my time waiting for a call. Today was different though. Once one call finished, another would come in. Ah well, I guess it's time to earn the money they pay me. My only concern is that it's a short term contract, with a possibility of extension, but currently I don't think the odds of continuing on are that good. The contract included the week before christmas and the aftermath, so I have the impression that this was seasonal work. Ah well, perhaps I should make sure to put some money away while it's coming in. That shouldn't be too tricky, as I've been rostered on for every public holiday, making 5 hours work worth $200 before tax. That should help the old bank account.
Christmas was ok. My uncle came over for dinner and we spent some time together. I didn't get too many presents, compared to previous years. A beanbag, some shirts, some books. Mum's overseas visiting my sister, and apparently I will be recieving some more clothes upon her return. Ah well, all things tend towards entropy.
The tsunami thing in the indian ocean is really uncool. Lots of people dead. Lots of homes ruined. And lots of people who have lost family, homes and now have to rebuild. My sister is currently in Thailand, as is Mum, but their both ok. Still, all those other people are in a really bad position.
That reminds of probably the most impressive thing I've seen about the company I'm working for. They're donating us $100k, plus they're going to match donations made by the employees. This creates a different impression to some of the stuff during training. One video was on how important it was to obey the law and stuff, because all the negative publicity when caught doing something wrong is really bad. Whatever happened to obeying the law because it's the right thing todo. And they've got these four ideals. And for each of them thre is a symbol. One of these ideals is build. and the symbol they picked for build is the impossible triangle (an example is here). The thing they chose to represent build can not be physically be built. It takes a certain type of mind to come up with something like that.
End Post
writing time: 37 minutes
Christmas was ok. My uncle came over for dinner and we spent some time together. I didn't get too many presents, compared to previous years. A beanbag, some shirts, some books. Mum's overseas visiting my sister, and apparently I will be recieving some more clothes upon her return. Ah well, all things tend towards entropy.
The tsunami thing in the indian ocean is really uncool. Lots of people dead. Lots of homes ruined. And lots of people who have lost family, homes and now have to rebuild. My sister is currently in Thailand, as is Mum, but their both ok. Still, all those other people are in a really bad position.
That reminds of probably the most impressive thing I've seen about the company I'm working for. They're donating us $100k, plus they're going to match donations made by the employees. This creates a different impression to some of the stuff during training. One video was on how important it was to obey the law and stuff, because all the negative publicity when caught doing something wrong is really bad. Whatever happened to obeying the law because it's the right thing todo. And they've got these four ideals. And for each of them thre is a symbol. One of these ideals is build. and the symbol they picked for build is the impossible triangle (an example is here). The thing they chose to represent build can not be physically be built. It takes a certain type of mind to come up with something like that.
End Post
writing time: 37 minutes
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