Feeling shitty

So, it's been awhile.

Earlier this week I got a new habit tracking app to try. It seemed to be set up more how I want such a thing to work so I gave it a go, and one of the things I put on was to write a blog post three times a week. 

That however, is not what I'm feeling shitty about.

On Friday a friend reached out and said they wanted to talk with me. But then when they called, it was to ask for a contact at my work for his business.In and of itself, not necessarily a thing to get to me, but it was the way he handled the call, It seemed more like a telemarketer cold calling someone than talking to a friend, and it did get to me.

I know I'm not the best at socialising with people. I know I'm not someone who gets included in things because of this. So when one of the few friends I do have dealt with me like that it brought up my insecurities. 

Part of it was I didn't expect it to be a work related thing, so even though I'd been stuck at work an hour later than expected, and was consequently an hour late for something I was going to, I made some time for him as I thought it would be something else, and it felt like a rug pull when I got the sell. And the follow up email they sent includes their bosses as a cc, so now if I don't or can't reply it'll make them look bad which adds another layer of discomfort to the whole thing.

Actually, the request does kind of get to me. It's not something I'd do if our roles were reversed, and yes that's in part because has taught me that when I do things like that I don't get people helping me out because I don't build connections because I'm not good at interacting with people.

I thought typing some of this out might help me get it out of my head, but it hasn't and is just making me stew in the shittiness of it so I'm going to stop here and try and find another way to clear my head so I can get some sleep since I have a full day at work tomorrow and there's going to be a bunch to do with what's happened over the weekend.