Demoted

So the title is a bit of an overstatement. I've not actually been demoted. Since May last year I'd been acting as crew lead while the actual lead took an extended period of leave. Last week he returned from his leave so I've gone back to my permanent role as an operator. Immediate impacts of this are a pay cut and a slightly different shift pattern, as well as training the team to go to the actual boss and not me with boss things.

I've mixed feelings on this matter. There's a part of me relieved and looking forward to the reduction in stress (I've got a lot more grey hair now than I did a year ago), and for a while I've been feeling a bit like I wasn't being proactive enough for the job. For a while my mental processes have felt a bit like they did when I was experiencing depression, with my mind feeling a bit separated from myself (which is a bit odd since the mind is the self). I've considered utilising the EAP to talk to someone but haven't bit the bullet yet. However, there's another part of me that knows I'm going to get bored being back in my old job and will miss the extra challenge and responsibility. 

 I've learnt and grown a lot during the time I've been acting as the crew lead. I've had to go through the process of recruiting a new team member, which I think will serve me well next time I have to apply for a new job. I was the lead on duty the night the cyclone hit earlier this year which was the first time we ever did a fully remote set up for the control room, which had its own complications. I've worked with people and departments I haven't had to before and built new relationships with people.

Generally I think I did ok, but I am aware I'm a harsher judge of my performance than others are. The person I replaced has a lot more experience than me, especially on the practical fieldwork side of things, so I knew I wouldn't be able to do everything they could, and that did weigh on me at times when those sorts of jobs came up. 

At the moment I'm sort of in a little bit of limbo. After next week I'm taking the month off on leave, and the person who was replacing me while I was acting lead has stayed on and will also cover while I'm on leave, so for the two weeks in between we have an extra person, so I haven't exactly gone back to just being an operator, I'm sort of in between not quite an operator but also not quite a lead. Maybe that'll be a bit easier when I come back from leave as I'll have to fully focus on my actual job rather than the one I'm no longer doing.

I'm not sure what my next steps will be. I'll still go for future crew lead opportunities that come up, but I'm also thinking about looking at opportunities in some of the business hours team next year. That has its own challenges in that going to a job without shift penalties is effectively taking a big pay cut. Also I'm going to take a few months off next year as for the first time I'm able to use long service leave at a job (I've had one other job where I was there long enough they needed to include long service leave in my redundancy payout but not long enough to use it to take time off). 

Troy Story

Once again I'm not making it to the monthly book club meeting so I'm putting some thoughts down on the blog instead. This months book was the Song of Achilles, a retelling of the Trojan war from the perspective of Patroclus and focuses on the relationship between him and Achilles.

The book is written as a romance, and while the story covers the key plot points of The Illiad, it's always for the purpose of progressing the relationship between Patroclus and Achilles. We see the relationship grow over the course of their short lives (even factoring in the 10 years of the Trojan war they were in their late twenties at most at the end, more likely mid twenties). The relationship does seem very one sided with Achilles being more accepting and allowing than actively pursuing, while Patroclus is the besotted desiring one. Patroclus' devotion seems to dominate his personality, to the point that the one time he finds a role for himself without Achilles it stands out greatly.

In fact, Patroclus' lack of identity separate from Achilles seems very one dimensional, and very counter to the way the novel uses a more modern lens on telling the story. Patroclus only has a few instances where he shows any motivation other then being with Achilles, and does tend to make him unmemorable as what is nominally the protagonist of the story.

While not too graphic, the book doesn't hide the physical nature of the character's relationship between chapters and definitely wouldn't get a PG rating (I think I'd still make that conclusion if it was a straight relationship). What there is isn't too titillating (is that the right word for a M/M encounter?) although maybe someone attracted to men may disagree with me.

Overall a straightforward read with ok writing, although I do prefer Stephen Fry's retelling of the Trojan saga with his tendency to get distracted by side stories and odd bits of trivia.